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Banned from the Co-op
Thu 6-Jan-11
12:53 pm
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paperman
Saxmundham, Suffolk

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Banned from the Co-op " Didn™t like shopping there anyway
  
  Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
    
  What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and was in no rush, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.   I added that I probably shouldn™t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
   
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
  
  (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
  
  Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.   I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter and a car hit us both.
   
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
   
I'm now banned from the Co-op.
 
Better watch what you ask retired people.
  
  They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

I have reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me...

Thu 6-Jan-11
1:57 pm
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Toffeeapple
North Bucks

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You little tinker!  big_laugh

I'll try that again!

Thu 6-Jan-11
2:29 pm
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bluenose

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I so appreciated that story. What a hoot!!laugh

Thu 6-Jan-11
2:48 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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wave  Brilliant.  big_laugh   big_laugh

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Thu 6-Jan-11
3:21 pm
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brightspark
Wilts

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Chris, hubby and I had a good laugh at that one.

You know, the Co-op shouldn't ban you, they should pay you to entertain the bored customers, who clearly enjoyed the tale!

Well Done!

welldone

"Work for a cause, not for applause
Live life to express, not to impress
Don't strive to make your presence noticed
Just make your absence felt"
Thu 6-Jan-11
5:45 pm
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Ruthdigs
Devon

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What's their reason for banning you?  Behaviour likely to cause a riot??! big_laugh  Seriously though surely they need a valid reason not just some woman with no sense of humour who asks stupid questions.  She got what she deserves I reckon - well done for giving everyone else a giggle though - and me.  cool

Thu 6-Jan-11
10:37 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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wave  Please tell me I am right Chris and that your story was actually a joke.   big_laugh   I am sure I have read something similar before.

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Thu 6-Jan-11
11:42 pm
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Michelle from Oregon
Oregon, USA

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big_laugh big_laugh big_laugh big_laugh big_laugh

Oh s**t, thats too much!

This is for you Chris...dog 

If you can't be a shining example, be a terrible warning!

Fri 7-Jan-11
12:23 am
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KateUK
uk

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I was at my local cinema today and my chum from the garden centre was there too- I was meeting Sir who had arrived and was standing at the top of the stairs completely oblivious of me in the queue for coffee. Sir doesn't know David from the Garden Centre as he doesn't do garden stuff. My chum couldn't resist doing his " excuse me sir, but we're having a bit of trouble with a lady over there, could you help me remove her tactfully from the premises?" routine. Sir fell for it hook line and sinker....

Kateuk makes things at http://www.etsy.com/shop/finkstuff and sometimes she does this too http://www54paintings.blogspot.com/ and also this http://finkstuff.weebly.com/

Fri 7-Jan-11
8:16 am
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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wave  Excellent.  big_laugh   big_laugh   big_laugh  I would like to have seen his face.

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Fri 7-Jan-11
8:17 am
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paperman
Saxmundham, Suffolk

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would I tell a story just for a cheap laugh ?

 

wink

I have reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me...

Fri 7-Jan-11
4:30 pm
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Neil
Dalgarven Ayrshire

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Error message that I like     big_laugh

 

errorImage Enlarger

Fri 7-Jan-11
4:39 pm
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Toffeeapple
North Bucks

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Wish I could find that on my laptop!big_laugh  Thanks Neil.

I'll try that again!

Fri 7-Jan-11
5:15 pm
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MOS
Cannock Chase

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Toffeeapple said:

Wish I could find that on my laptop!big_laugh  Thanks Neil.


 

No TA you cant go round searching for obscure files as an excuse for another WINE whistle

that would stop you posting slide shows and soundtracks ......... OH too late then might as well finish the bottle big_hugrunaway

sit down with a cupa and the urge will subside

Fri 7-Jan-11
5:48 pm
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Toffeeapple
North Bucks

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Selfish little blighter! wink 

Don't suppose you'd be any help in the slide show/soundtrack field?

By the way, is your boat frozen into the canal?  

I'll try that again!

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