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Good manners
Tue 29-Mar-11
6:43 am
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Sooliz
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Do any of you use Freecycle?  We only found out about it a few months ago and think it's a brilliant idea, you can pass on something you're not using anymore to someone who will hopefully make good use of it, and saves you making a trip to the dump.  And you can pick up some wonderful stuff too.  I was extremely fortunate last year to be given a large boxful of Kilner jars, we've also had a car bootload of firewood and a venetian blind (which turned out to be the wrong size for our window and so went straight back on Freecycle to be offered to someone else). 

Now here comes the ranting bit....each time we've been offered something, I make sure I put a 'received with thanks' post on Freecycle, and send the kind person who offered us whatever it was an email to personally thank them.  I also took them a jar of my homemade jam when we went to collect....it doesn't seem right, having something for nothing.  However, on the 3 occasions so far when people have taken stuff we've offered, none of them have even bothered to post a 'received' message.  How rude!! steam 

I was brought up to write thank you letters whenever I received a present, or following an overnight stay at someone's house, or something like that.  It seems more and more that good manners just aren't being taught.  (I must be getting old!! ponder).

learning to love veg…..except celery :-O

Tue 29-Mar-11
9:45 am
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brightspark
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Sooliz said:

I was brought up to write thank you letters whenever I received a present, or following an overnight stay at someone's house, or something like that.  It seems more and more that good manners just aren't being taught.  (I must be getting old!! ponder).

Some are not brought up that way, unfortunately - I don't think it's a sign of age, more of, as you rightly entitled this thread, Good Manners.

I subscribe to a magazine which has a 'Wanted' & 'For Sale' section. Whenever I saw a request that I could deal with, I contacted them and pointed them in the right direction, as it were.

Not any more.

Just like your experience, I have in some cases saved people money, too, but did they respond? Nope ! surprised

So, that's it. No more.

wave

"Work for a cause, not for applause
Live life to express, not to impress
Don't strive to make your presence noticed
Just make your absence felt"
Tue 29-Mar-11
10:31 am
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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wave As you say Sue, good manners are not being taught, at least not by many parents.  I feel children are brought up to just expect things and show no gratitude as if it were their God given right.  It is very difficult to reinforce manners in school, when they are not asked for or encouraged at home.

I do have to say though that the children around here are so polite and friendly it makes your heart sing.   smile

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Tue 29-Mar-11
11:04 am
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Original Redhead
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Sooliz said:

 It seems more and more that good manners just aren't being taught.  (I must be getting old!! ponder).

Occassionally I get so frustrated with the lack of manners I thank the person who should be thanking me. 

Example:  I hold door open for someone who walks through without even a smile .... I say 'Thank you for walking through the door I waited to hold open for you'.  Sometimes it makes them embarrased enough to acknowledge me but not often.   aargh

 

BUT it amuses me 

Failing is not a fault, refusing to try is

Tue 29-Mar-11
11:36 am
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ep
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Original Redhead said:

Sooliz said:

 It seems more and more that good manners just aren't being taught.  (I must be getting old!! ponder).

Sometimes it makes them embarrased enough to acknowledge me but not often.   aargh

 

BUT it amuses me 

You should do well in Bulgaria.  The roads here are sometimes only suitable for one vehicle at a time and I usually pull over to let the others go....I value both of my vehicles even though one is a 4x4 and could take most of the Ladas off the road without much effort on my part....so do they acknowledge with a wave of the hand?..do they heck as like...not much courtesy here.  I used to do about 500 miles a week and got used to 'professional' driving....they just like the centre of the road here and the white line means nothing....

As a sideline...which part of Bulgaria are you heading for?

Who lives long sees much : The diary of my life in Bulgaria

Tue 29-Mar-11
1:31 pm
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Original Redhead
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ep said:

As a sideline...which part of Bulgaria are you heading for?

Not too sure yet, where we will finally end up living.  We are going over to Helpx and look at properties August/September.  So far we are heading to Voditsa, south of Polski Trambesh and Mamarchevo, near Plovdiv.  Which part of BG are you in, do you live there year round now?   I started reading your blog but work interrupted and I haven't been back yet.

 

doh  I will eventually get round to going over to 'Introduce Yourself' and fill all in on my hair-brained schemes.

Failing is not a fault, refusing to try is

Tue 29-Mar-11
5:05 pm
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Ruthdigs
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Original Redhead said:

Occassionally I get so frustrated with the lack of manners I thank the person who should be thanking me. 

I do that!  It really bugs me when people don't even look at you and aknowledge you let alone say thanks.

Back to the original Q and I too love Freecycle and also put a 'rec'd with thanks' post on when I've had an item.  Just seems to be the way society is going - lots of the people I hold doors etc for are my age or older.  cry

Tue 29-Mar-11
5:49 pm
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JoannaS
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I am not sure it is a lack of manners per se regarding the driving in Bulgaria so much as not understanding our rules of the road. Drivers do occasionally wave thanks here but I suspect it is because they have travelled abroad, as it is usually the younger ones. cheers

I am a little perplexed Sue, don't people come and collect the stuff from you personally? In which case I would only expect a personal thank you on the day as they are taking things.what_the_heck

Tue 29-Mar-11
6:06 pm
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Sooliz
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People do come and collect what you've offered on Freecycle, yes Joanna, unless you've offered to deliver it.  But the 'rules' or etiquette of Freecycle are that recipients are really supposed to put on a post saying they've 'received' the item(s), but hardly anyone does!  Surely it's simple courtesy, if nothing else?  The Administrators frequently post reminding people of the rules/etiquette, but it still seems to be largely ignored.  As I said above, I was brought up to write thank you notes, and was really bemoaning the fact that good manners don't seem to be in abundance nowadays and things are just taken for granted. 

learning to love veg…..except celery :-O

Tue 29-Mar-11
6:18 pm
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JoannaS
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Oh I see. If that is the etiquette of the site then it would be good to adhere to that

Still I don't see why people should write thank you letters if they have actually seen you, as long as they have properly thanked you at the time though. To me thank you letters are things that you write to far off Aunts who send weird presents that you have to be eternally grateful for - only jokingwhistle, but I do believe in thanking people personally, just not necessarily in written form.

Tue 29-Mar-11
6:24 pm
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paperman
Saxmundham, Suffolk

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the other side of this is that people don't value what they get for nothing so following that logic why should they be grateful for something they don't value - they probably think they are doing you a favour by taking it off your hands, so perhaps you should post a thank you for taking it post !!!

I have reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me...

Tue 29-Mar-11
6:31 pm
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JoannaS
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I can't see my son posting a note but I would expect him to have expressed his thanks for those he got stuff from. What annoys him is that people think they are doing you a favour and so are not courteous enough to ring if they can't make it to collect something.doh

Tue 29-Mar-11
8:34 pm
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Sooliz
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Oh no, I didn't mean that I expected people to write me a thank you letter, that wasn't what I meant at all, I was just saying that that was what I was taught as a youngster.  When I've had things that people have offered me on Freecycle, I've emailed them (as well as thanking them personally) just to reiterate how pleased I am and let them know how whatever it is has come in useful.  Maybe that's just me.

I haven't yet had anyone who hasn't turned up to collect something I've offered, but apparently it does go on a lot and it is extremely discourteous not to let the donor know.

Chris, you're probably right, people do seem to think they're doing you a favour.  Somehow, though, I don't think I'll be posting a 'thank you for taking it' post!! lol roll_eyes

learning to love veg…..except celery :-O

Tue 29-Mar-11
8:44 pm
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ep
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I think if it's in your nature you will, if it's not you won't¦..there are givers and givers and takers and takers if you know what I mean¦a lot of it is down to attitude these days¦roll on the revolution brother and I'll say thank you for handing me the gun..or the white flag¦.I haven't decided¦.whistlewhistle

I learnt a while back¦you can't put your standards or expectations on to others¦. that way you only get disappointed

Who lives long sees much : The diary of my life in Bulgaria

Tue 29-Mar-11
9:21 pm
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Terrier
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I must have been fortunate with my freecycle stuff, I've had some really good 'finds' - and always say thanks on the site, I've also had some good 'thank you's from people I've given stuff to. When we knocked down the wall between kitchen/dining room we needed to do away with our upright piano, I saw a note on freecycle saying someone was looking for one for her daughter who had been involved in a sporting accident and wanted to learn piano while recovering. When they turned up to collect, the lady had MS, and was so grateful as she just wouldn't have been able to afford to buy one. We are now 'friends' on facebook and she keeps me updated on her daughters progress, it's lovely to think the piano went to someone who really needed it.

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