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- Joke of the Day
Mon 24-Feb-14
5:02 pm
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ep
Bulgaria

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Easy pleased, Danuta, easy pleased....big_hug

Who lives long sees much : The diary of my life in Bulgaria

Mon 24-Feb-14
6:00 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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wave You know me Elsa!!   big_laugh

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Mon 24-Feb-14
7:56 pm
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Ambersparkle

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Been taken in by that one myself! heartbreak

Mon 24-Feb-14
11:37 pm
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Bigdenys
Swadlincote, Derbyshire, UK

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Thu 17-Oct-13
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A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.

His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with her left foot so I tied up her left leg to a pole.

I began to fill up the bucket again and she kicked it down with her right foot, so I tied her right leg to a pole too.

As soon as I finished milking her again she knocked down the bucket with her tail so I took off my belt and tied up her tail with my belt.

As I was just tying up her tail, when my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain! surprised

I used to be indecisive now I am not so sure

Fri 14-Mar-14
10:39 pm
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Bigdenys
Swadlincote, Derbyshire, UK

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I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: 'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.' tongue

I used to be indecisive now I am not so sure

Sat 15-Mar-14
12:58 pm
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Terrier
York

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Very good roll_eyes

Mon 14-Apr-14
9:19 pm
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Bigdenys
Swadlincote, Derbyshire, UK

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What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs.

 

 confusedshoo_fly

I used to be indecisive now I am not so sure

Fri 18-Apr-14
12:12 pm
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ep
Bulgaria

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I found a genie lamp, rubbed it and got one wish...I said I want to be the luckiest man in the world, so the next day I backed all the horses and they all won.

The day after I did the dogs, football pools and they all came up too, I thought,yes, I am the luckiest man alive, so with my wealth I stayed in the top hotel in London,where I met the most beautiful Indian princess who fell in love with me and we married and had wonderful children..

I thought again , I really am the luckiest man alive...but after years of wedded bliss and being the luckiest man alive I said to the wife ...there is one thing that has irritated me since we met...darling she said tell me so I can help you..I said its that spot on your forehead....she said rub it off if it annoys you..so I did....and it said

Congratulations you have won a car ..

runaway

Who lives long sees much : The diary of my life in Bulgaria

Fri 18-Apr-14
2:13 pm
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Xahha
Suffolk

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Ha Ha Habig_laugh

 Are we having fun yet? I am!

Fri 9-May-14
12:03 pm
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paperman
Saxmundham, Suffolk

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There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in
making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go
a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist
Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their
biggest buildings..
Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying
the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine..
Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed,
when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the
rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking
Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones,
surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got down on his knees and cried:
"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..

(you're going to love this)
 "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

I have reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me...

Fri 9-May-14
12:29 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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wave  Oh Chris, what are we going to do with you!!!  That really is terrible, but also very funny!!!!  big_laugh  big_laugh

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Fri 9-May-14
2:22 pm
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Xahha
Suffolk

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big_laughbig_laughbig_laugh

 Are we having fun yet? I am!

Fri 9-May-14
8:15 pm
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Ambersparkle

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Loved it!laugh

Fri 9-May-14
9:12 pm
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ep
Bulgaria

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A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law said. "I am wearing my love dress."
"Love dress? But you're naked!" said the mother-in-law.
"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
What are you doing?" he asked.
This is my love dress" she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said.

Who lives long sees much : The diary of my life in Bulgaria

Fri 9-May-14
10:13 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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wave Wicked, Elsa!!!   big_laugh   ( Note the comma!! )

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

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