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Romance
Tue 26-Jan-10
6:18 pm
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JoannaS
Latvia

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I am one of the most unromantic women around, I hate smoochiness (if you know what I mean). I do appreciate somethings, like people taking time and effort and thought into a gift but soppiness is out. My hubby on the other hand is much more romantic than I am but I was wondering what other people actually consider romantic? Rose

The sort of romance I can do is after two weeks in Brazil I came back and hubby collected me from the airport and in the car was a bunch of flowers which was nice but even more appreciated a flask of tea! After two weeks without that was so nice. Tea

Be warned I am taking notes and this may appear in a helpful list in book form RunAway

Tue 26-Jan-10
7:52 pm
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Toffeeapple
North Bucks

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Neither I nor my partner are romantic in any way, shape or form.  When we first got together, his business partner suggested that I would be pleased with a huge bouquet for St. Valentine's day - wrong - just so false!  He's never done it again thank goodness.

I'll try that again!

Tue 26-Jan-10
7:53 pm
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elrohana
North West Leeds, UK

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Romance for me is the fact that my OH knows I am a practical person with no time for knick knacks and fripperies, so Xmas and birthday presents over the years have included - a workmate workbench; a waxed jacket, bodywarmer and thermal gloves & hat for walking the dog/working on the allotment; a garden incinerator; money towards the shed I was saving up for; a waterbutt and an extra long hose reel; and amongst the more frivolous - a CD jukebox, and a DVD player.  His parents have now also cottoned on to this, as a result of the above presents, and I have variously had from them a pressure cooker, a Dremel, a lightbox for cardmaking, and several other very practical things (also including a contribution financially towards the aforementioned shed). 

I find it far more romantic that he buys me things he knows I both want and will use, rather than pretty but pointless stuff that are generally regarded as romantic.  He also doesn't ever buy me cut flowers, as he knows I prefer things that are still alive.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup.

Tue 26-Jan-10
11:06 pm
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KateUK
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My husband isn't romantic in the conventional sense, but he knows I absolutely agree about useful and wanted presents- though chocolate is always welcome - nothing romantic about being given something that just has to go straight to the charity shop and when he does do surprise gifts they are always to the point, which to my mind is far more romantic than being given something that someone who didn't know you could give you like a bunch of flowers.

Kateuk makes things at http://www.etsy.com/shop/finkstuff and sometimes she does this too http://www54paintings.blogspot.com/ and also this http://finkstuff.weebly.com/

Tue 26-Jan-10
11:21 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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I live alone (if you don't count the menagerie) but I don't think romance is all about gifts.  It's in actions, like a wee note on a pillow or a single flower from the garden on a  breakfast tray.  It's anticipating needs and caring about another person enough to plan surprises be they big or small.  Romance is a comforting silence and a look of love.  So I am sure we are all romantics at heart even if we don't know it.

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Wed 27-Jan-10
7:17 am
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JoannaS
Latvia

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Well I am glad I am not the only woman who prefers practical, thoughtful gifts, I was beginning to wonder.

Danast you put that so beautifully and yes I think those kind of things would be more appreciated than having to buy a gift on Valentine's day, which I feel is an utter waste of time.

That reminds me of one special birthday, many years ago, when my hubby set off to work as normal and then after the kids had gone to school (or he may even have arranged for them to go somewhere, can't remember which now) he came back and my first thought was "He's been sacked" No idea why I should think that really, but he then told me he had the day off and he was taking me for a day to have my "colours done" (where someone helps you come up with a package of colours that suits). As a Mum with three small children the day to be pampered was wonderful and the way he had organised it as a complete surprise was the best part. I am not so sure that in itself would be appreciated but it was then, like you said caring enough about someone to plan the surprises which are relevant for the time.

Wed 27-Jan-10
10:37 am
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Rae Mond
Waalre, NL

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I'm not really into the hearts and flowers stuff, but I'm not really sure if this is the result of conditioning from my last relationship. The first thing my ex said to me when we met in a scuzzy bar in Aberystwyth when I was a first year undergrad was "you have lovely eyes. they'd look great in my fridge". we were together for 5 years, he left me last year on february 15th, which was nice.

he didn't do romantic. His idea of a term of affection was to call me "bacon hips". Though once he realised how much that particular term had upset me he did buy me a Bill Bailey DVD to make up for it.

I have a much better boy now, one who is wonderful and lovely and makes me feel all tingly inside. As we've only been together a few months I have yet to really find out what he's like in the romance stakes, but there are promising signs. When we first got together back in october some friends of his came to visit from Edinburgh, and suggested that he should go visit them in return at some point, so for his birthday I bought him plane tickets to Edinburgh, expecting that when we got there we'd be crashing on his mates' sofa, but he surprised me by having booked us into a really beautiful hotel instead.

because we got there really early in the morning we couldn't check in straight away, though we could leave our bags there, so we had to go wander around for a bit, it was the week before christmas so all the pretty lights were up, and because it was so early there was noone around, and as we started walking it started snowing. it was the incredibly romantic Laugh (there should be a swooning smiley).

That's a pretty extravagant example of romanticness though. little things that don't cost money can be just as wonderful. Like others have said, it's the taking time and consideration that mean something, not the gift or surprise itself. And in that respect valentine's day undermines romance because it takes away spontaneity.

Having said that though, all the years with my ex where he resolutely refused to do anything at all on valentines day, and being surrounded at work by various people going on about what their other half had done for them, or what they were going to do, I did sometimes feel a bit left out Frown

So I am waiting cautiously to see what happens this year.

Intolerance will not be tolerated.

Wed 27-Jan-10
12:20 pm
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mike.
Coventry

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Rae Mond said:

The first thing my ex said to me when we met in a scuzzy bar in Aberystwyth when I was a first year undergrad was "you have lovely eyes. they'd look great in my fridge". we were together for 5 years, he left me last year on february 15th, which was nice.


Hmmm, scuzzy bar in Aberystwyth. There are plenty to choose from - The Bay leaps to mind, although I heard that it's closed now.

I'll have to admit that I'm not very romantic. I ocassionally buy chocolates or a bottle of champagne (or similar) but I think the tinkly music/flower petals/etc you see on tv or in films are just so phoney. Ok, there'll be some kind of acceptable middle ground which will be possible.

For example, we had a candle-lit christmas dinner, with a single illuminated 'star' decoration providing extra light. The main reason for the subdued lighting was that we were in the middle of decorating the downstairs (proper decorating - painting walls, re-attaching radiators that sort of thing). The room was piled high with clutter and there were no curtains so we could be seen from outside. The candles meant we didn't need the main light on, so we didn't feel like we were on full view of the street.

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Wed 27-Jan-10
4:15 pm
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Rae Mond
Waalre, NL

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indeed it was The Bay, and indeed it is no more Cry

it was one of the occasional graveyard shifts "organised" by the university rock society, back in the dim and distant past of 2004.

A more romantic venue would be impossible not to find I think.

Intolerance will not be tolerated.

Wed 27-Jan-10
10:28 pm
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SOL
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agree with Elrohanna, Kate and Rae.  I think cut flowers are not nice.  I have no idea why, maybe they make me think of funerals or something.  "here love, have some flowers that are dead". ???? I would rather have a pot plant. 

our chat concerning valentines day went like this in the car on the way home

me, "are we going to do anything for valentines day this year?"

Him "um, well I havent thought about it.  I would settle for moving house, that would be the best valentines day present"

Me "well, Im sorry, I cant actually make that happen.  So I take  it we arent doing anything then?  cards?"

Him, "we never do cards"

Me, "ok, so no cards, are we agreed?"

Him "Agreed...  I fancy some chips!"

So there you go that is the sum of our conversation.  Romantic arent we?  LOLHeart

Wed 27-Jan-10
11:45 pm
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Danny
Scarborough, England
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Wow! What a wide and varied reaction to the notion of “romantic”.

Great thread BTW, Joanna, especially from one who does not consider herself to be romantic in the conventional sense. And an excellent summary from danast. You do have a knack for getting to the core of things, Danuta, and sort of pulling all the strings together.

Crikey, Rae, I got married when I was your age (a mistake for a bloke).  As I greeted the guests at the church door, one older lady family friend remarked quite openly “You are far too young to be getting married”. Hey, missus, I thought, you don’t tell me what to do. Of course, I knew everything, didn’t I?

Fiona and I are both very romantic in the old fashioned sense. She adores cut flowers at any time, especially freesias  and orchids. We used to love weekends in Paris, Rome, Lisbon, Brighton, Norwich or any old, romantic city. We both adore an afternoon out, on a Saturday probably, driving up the east coast of Suffolk to Orford, for lunch at the Ofrord Oysterage (simple and therefore great fish restaurant). Our agreed best and favourite memory is of a sunny afternoon spent on a public park bench on the cliffs above a bay in the Cinque Terre west coast of Italy. We just sat in silence, reading our books, and occasionally looking down on the buzzing motorboats that zig-zagged along the coast. Absolute bliss.

I think that being romantic is simply pandering to the other person’s favourite needs. That can be a kitchen thing or a bunch of cut flowers. A surprise trip to a favourite shopping town (given by a bloke!) or just boiling the kettle for a hottie on a chilly evening. Romance is best expressed in myriad small things, with an occasional lovely big surprise. IMO.

Never knowingly underfed

Thu 28-Jan-10
6:21 am
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JoannaS
Latvia

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Danny said:

Crikey, Rae, I got married when I was your age (a mistake for a bloke).  As I greeted the guests at the church door, one older lady family friend remarked quite openly “You are far too young to be getting married”. Hey, missus, I thought, you don’t tell me what to do. Of course, I knew everything, didn’t I?


I was married with two kids by Rae Monds age Laugh, and we celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary last year Smooch. We had good friends around us who helped us through the sticky patches and have grown together.

You reminded me Danny of when we didn't have much money I would save all my 20p's until we had enough for a set menu, I think it was £15 each. It was a real treat as it was a fantastic little restaurant in the middle of tiny tiny village and we would get a babysitter for the night and off we would go.

Thu 28-Jan-10
4:55 pm
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brightspark
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I think I must fall into the romantic category here - certainly hubby is very thoughtful in this regard.

One year, the company he worked for had some good luck, so treated all the employees and spouses to a weekend in Paris in a 5-star hotel in the middle of December.

In itself, this was a real treat, but at the dinner on the Saturday evening, hubby handed me a Christmas card (at the time, I thought it was a little strange - in front of everyone at the table!), but inside there were two tickets to fly to Prague the following weekend - to see Pavarotti in concert. Heart

That wasn't all - the concert was on the Sunday evening, but we arrived on the Saturday morning, just as it had stopped snowing - the landscape was like a fairytale.

On the Saturday evening we went to Mozart's house, which had a tree-lined entrance, and the trees were covered in snow, and all lit up. On arrival, our welcome was a glass of champagne, followed by a small group of actors who performed Don Giovanni for us (a private showing as there were only about 25 of us!).

After this, we had a funicular ride up a hillside to a restaurant overlooking Prague, where we watched fireworks over the Vltava river and the Charles Bridge.

Magical.

Magic

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Thu 28-Jan-10
5:22 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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A memory to cherish forever, Brightspark.  Now that really was romantic.    Rose

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Thu 28-Jan-10
5:41 pm
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Toffeeapple
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BS, I'd have given in on romantic if I'd been given that gift - Pavarotti and Don Giovanni?  I'd have fainted with passion!  (For the Opera!) HeartChampagneEmbarassed

I'll try that again!

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