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Ship wrecked
Fri 13-Nov-09
6:25 pm
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mutley
Didcot/uk

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A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.


Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
 Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

 

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

 

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better 
and better to the lonely Kiwi. 
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it. 

 
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. 

 
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling. 

 
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. 
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her 
and he slowly nursed her back to health 

 
When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. 

 
Pretty soon, the Kiwi started to get 'those feelings' again. 
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear, 

 
'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

Fri 13-Nov-09
6:29 pm
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fn
Newmarket
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Just brilliant, Mutley. Had me roaring with laughter Laugh

Fri 13-Nov-09
10:25 pm
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Danny
Scarborough, England
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Ditto.

That's the best one I have heard in years, mutley! Brilliant punch line.

Top Class Wink

Never knowingly underfed

Fri 30-Jul-10
11:45 pm
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dantom
Beckley , East Sussex

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Sun 18-Oct-09
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After several weeks of tests at a clinic a doctor was baffled by a case.........

"I am sorry Mr Jones" he said " but I cannot work out as to why your willy is bright orange.....Is it maybe your working enviroment"????

"No" says Mr Jones "I am currently unemployed"

" Then I am sorry but I do not have a clue"

The Doctor thinks a while then asks "What do you do all day then Mr Jones"???

"I mainly sit at home watching porn and eating wotsits" he replieslaugh

Sorry if I lowered the tone somewhatdoh heheheeehheehehheh

 

 

Sat 31-Jul-10
4:33 pm
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Toffeeapple
North Bucks

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surprised devil big_laugh  I think I'll let you off since it's so good to see you on the forum again.  Welcome back Dantom!

I'll try that again!

Sun 1-Aug-10
4:55 pm
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mutley
Didcot/uk

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Sun 1-Aug-10
6:38 pm
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Toffeeapple
North Bucks

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big_laugh I think you'll be OK if you stick to eating the Quavers Mutley...

I'll try that again!

Sun 1-Aug-10
6:42 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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big_laugh big_laugh big_laugh big_laugh toffeeapple

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Sun 1-Aug-10
6:44 pm
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brightspark
Wilts

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Mutley - have a spork for your troubles...............  big_laugh   big_laugh   big_laugh   big_laugh

brightsparklystuff

"Work for a cause, not for applause
Live life to express, not to impress
Don't strive to make your presence noticed
Just make your absence felt"
Sun 1-Aug-10
6:44 pm
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Toffeeapple
North Bucks

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Danuta, you just made me spit water on my screen! big_laugh

I'll try that again!

Sun 1-Aug-10
6:49 pm
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brightspark
Wilts

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Now, TA, you know that water and electrical things don't mix - a fine time to be washing your screen!!

big_laugh  big_laugh

"Work for a cause, not for applause
Live life to express, not to impress
Don't strive to make your presence noticed
Just make your absence felt"
Sun 1-Aug-10
6:51 pm
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Toffeeapple
North Bucks

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I know!  It's just as well that I'd just finished eating my salad and hadn't put the napkin in the bin...whistle

I'll try that again!

Wed 8-Sep-10
9:23 pm
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dantom
Beckley , East Sussex

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Sometime after his resurection Jesus stood on the banks of a large lake with Peter and pondered......

"I wonder if I still have the knack" he said.... "The knack for what Lord" said Peter

"Walking upon the water" said Jesus....."Then you must give it a try Lord" replied Peter.

Jesus removed his sandals and walked slowly forward....five feet out he started to sink!!! "Bugger" said  Jesus, "Do not give up my Lord...try again" said Peter..

Lifting his robe Jesus again entered the lake...within ten feet he sank to his waist " Bugger,bugger bugger it" he said " I just do not understand ,what has changed Peter???

"All I can think of Lord" said Peter taking a while to think " You never had those holes in your feet before" !!!!!!!!!! tongue

Wed 8-Sep-10
10:37 pm
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Danny
Scarborough, England
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Oh Dan! That is so terribly and deliciously NAUGHTY. devil

expect a visit from spork

big_laugh

Never knowingly underfed

Wed 8-Sep-10
11:36 pm
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Michelle from Oregon
Oregon, USA

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Tue 22-Sep-09
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Ooooooohhhhhhhh!  doh

 

big_laugh roll_eyes big_laugh roll_eyes big_laugh

If you can't be a shining example, be a terrible warning!

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