Been lurking here for a wee while, joined the forums recently to reply on a post that interested me. Learnt loads and been amused more than a few times, so thought I'd tell you about ME.
Initially I didn't register as that would have felt like a fraud …….. I'm no-where near as resourceful and self sufficient as most of you seem.
But thinking it through ….. I've been growing my own fruit and veg for a number of years, I've had chickens for over 3 years now and I've just entered my second year as a beekeeper. So I'm not doing too bad, methinks.
So why did I start looking this forum, and others like it (but nowhere near as good)? Because I am a fraud. A fraud? Yep, for over 20 years I've denied myself.
I grew up helping parents and grandparents on the allotments (one of which contained an illegal still). I learnt at an early age to gut fish, dress poultry and when a bit older to strip and rebuild an engine, and then I managed to make a complete cock-up of my life.
Parents and family came to the rescue (as they do) and did their best NOT to show their disappointment. During the ensuing guilt trip, which I sent myself on, I decided to 'conform', to do what was expected, to make up for causing them such anguish.
I hooked up with a guy they totally approved of, in fact they still idealise him. I went back into education and got myself a degree. We built up 2 very successful businesses. We are totally debt free – or at least he is as apart from the businesses everything is in his name. And I'm a fraud. None of this is who I am.
So why am I here? Because I've finally learnt that being true to myself is much more important than trying to please other people. If I'm happy those who truely love and/or care for me will be happy also.
So why am I here? To learn from those who been living the life I need whilst I've been living the corporate life.
Why do I need to learn? Because I'm currently making the most sensible or most idiotic decisions in my life. Once I get the money from selling the ex my shares of the business I'm moving, to Bulgaria.
Why Bulgaria? Because, there, I can buy somewhere with sufficient land to grow my own food and keep some lifestock and have enough money left over to provide a small income giving me time to find new sources for the vitals I can't self provide. Also my Russian is better than my French.
Ok think I've waffled enough. Thank you all, I'm picking so much information and knowledge up from you.
You don't sound like a fraud to me ,just someone searching for her place in this mixed up world .ultimately you have to follow your heart ,some of the people here have useful skills honed over years of patient trial and error ,others gain experience by diving in and splashing around ,some like yourself have gained a grounding in other lives and just know that what you are searching for is out there and if you forearm yourself with the basic information and self awareness of what you are about to do you will at least have a head start ,all you need is the desire to do it the skills to get you started ,and most of all, the Bottle to follow your dream, and make your life do what you know it was leading towards .
I think you will find everyone here wishes you great successes, gentle failures and above all a glorious flight of discovery into your future ,
Be happy be lucky ,but above all be true to yourself .
keep us informed ,your adventure is all some of us have to dream of in our ordinary lives
MOS has made a great post. You might not have been living a life that was entirely in keeping with your way of thinking, but that doesn't make you a fraud, just means you've been pleasing others rather than yourself. Ok, maybe a bit of a fraud. And you're not alone, I've done that too, as have others, I'm sure.
But now you've 'grown up' enough to say: You know what, this is my life and I'm gonna live it my way. (I had an epiphany like that when I was 40). Good for you.
We are now following our dream……well, to be entirely truthful, it was actually my dream, which husband allowed himself to become drawn into……albeit in a rather less adventurous way than yours. Follow your dream, Tracey, as MOS says there will be ups and downs (we've had plenty in the year we've been here in my/our dream), and it will be a hell of a steep learning curve, but it's what YOU want. Good luck
Excellent responses/posts/advice from MOS and Sue. I can only add to those.
If you are a fraud, Tracey, then I think we all are in some way or another.
Experience has a lot to do with resourcefulness and self-sufficiency, and knowing how to – in lots of ways. Or, learning how-to is probably more appropriate.
If you can manage to live your dream, then wonderful – most of us don't actually achieve that.
Being at ease with yourself is very important – you are as good as anyone else. Always will be. Don't ever feel you have to 'perform' to someone else's idealogy – you are you, and not them. You decide. Stick to it.
Most of all, love yourself. Everything will fall into place.
Wishing you the peace that you're searching for.
Life doesn't require that we be the best
Only that we try our best
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Oh Tracey there is never any need to apologise for how we feel. This site is so full of understanding and empathic people that I think that is why we all feel able to express ourselves. It took me a long time to get to where I wanted to be in my life and feel good in my skin so to speak. When I look back there are many times I could have been doing with the support you will find here.
Please just look forward to what you are going to achieve in your new life – a bit scary perhaps, but very exciting and very, very brave. Good on you. Follow that dream. As others have said the path will not always be smooth, but it will be your path, a path that you have chosen.
Atta girl, Tracey (and great comments by everybody). Fraud is the wrong word. Self discovery and conviction is how I would describe what you are doing now.
Take my Fiona, for example. Over a 25 year period she went from building up her own wooden toy business, selling it for a decent profit, learning how to use computers and building on that to set up in business as a computer animator on London's bitchy Wardour St making commercials for TV. That was when I met her. She was pulling in very good money but working 16 or 20 hours a day, often 7 days a week.
The she landed a seemingly great contract that took six months to complete. When she re-emerged at the end, the whole marketplace for computer animation had changed with the advent of cheap DIY animation software. Her skills were no longer in demand.
So she packed in and based herself from here. Took an office job for a few months. Has always hated being an employee. There were tears many evenings. Then they made her redundant and she set herself up as a one-woman-outfit painter and decorator.
Being based back in the countryside reignited her love of gardening and she also developed a passion for cooking, foraging and making preserves etc. That was the acorn that set her on the route to chickens, bees, vegetable gardening and the start of our road to partial self-sufficiency. She started her blog almost five years ago.
Her present illness (post viral syndrome, a bit like M.E.) eventually forced her to quit painting on July 14 2009 and she spent months in bed. Now she is slowly recovering and everything that she set in motion six or seven years ago is now paying dividends both in terms of therapy and slowly building an income.
Crikey – I am rabitting on. All I wanted to say was that I have never seen her happier or as content as she is now. No way, seven years ago, was this how she thought that she would find her dream life or that it would be as simple as it is.
Was she a fraud all that time?
Nope. It just takes time for the right plan and goal to become apparent.
Good for you for taking action. And I hope you achieve your dream
Hi Tracey and welcome to the Forum.
I don't think you're a fraud at all, rather I find myself very impressed by the range of skills you've learnt over the course of your life so far.
I think when we grow up we spend our time balancing the things we need to do and the things we're expected to do with the things we really want to do. Most of us make time for the last thing in the list, but some lucky people grasp the nettle and set about making their lives wholly what they want them to be.
I look forward to reading about your adventures in Bulgaria.
Original Redhead said:
Initially I didn't register as that would have felt like a fraud ¦¦.. I'm no-where near as resourceful and self sufficient as most of you seem.
Good for you!¦..
First can I say I love "Failing is not a fault, refusing to try is"¦.that's so true!
Wishing you all the best for YOUR LIFE in Bulgaria, the life that you've chosen for yourself, that's so important as you well know from experience.
You are most certainly NOT a fraud, you're totally human and do like many of us do, 'live our lives to suit other people, opposed to living our lives for our own self happiness, content with who we are and fulfilment, which has got to be addressed at some time, better now than looking back on life and thinking 'if only' (I'm guilty of that!).' I'm delighted that you are living the life that you should've been, that's got to be good for you all round. At last, you have achieved the kind of life that you deserve and made the correct choice in my opinion.
I wish you the best of happiness and raise a glass to you . You enjoy your new life in Bulgaria, you've waited long enough for your little piece of enjoyment, I'm sure that it will be the best move that you have ever made and well deserved.
There are plenty of frauds about in this life and don't ever think of yourself as one, you sound a lovely, genuine lady and it's lovely to have this opportunity to say Hello and a big WELCOME, I shall look forward to hearing from you in your new life.
With lots of warm wishes, good luck and much fun,
Take my Fiona, for example. Over a 25 year period she went from building up her own wooden toy business, selling it for a decent profit.
Danny, you have put that wonderfully, you and Fiona make a great team, one that many of us strive for¦..a 'dream come true', that's also very well deserved, I suppose all we really ask out of life is happiness, contentment, good health and peace.
You have achieved so much through sheer hard work as a couple and during the process made lots of others happy during the process, myself included.
All the best to you both for the future and here's to the 'good life' that yes is hard work yet you provide a brilliant service (thank you both) here with the website and for allowing us to share in your daily lives. both of you.
Danny, you have put that wonderfully, you and Fiona make a great team, one that many of us strive for¦..
Thank you, Odelle – I guess that the reality may be as different from the picture as was "The Good Life" from suburban living back then when.
Fact is that I reckon this will be the first season when all Fiona's hard work will pay dividends. It takes several years of trial and error to discover what works and when to harvest each crop. Her illness got in the way last year and we lost many an opportunity to maximise her efforts.
Not this season!
Things like meeting the monthly mortgage payment and council tax are difficult but we manage to struggle through. Come autumn this year, we are determined to properly save all root crops.
There is often an unexpected boost. This week or next she may have a visit from the TV production company that do Alan Titchmarsh's programs. That may be fun and exciting, even if it ends up on the cutting room floor.
Mad dash to get the house and garden in order !
Wow! Fiona's fame is spreading. I think what you're doing would make a very interesting programme. A real garden, not a show garden and a follow through into the kitchen and all the ways of cooking and preserving what you've grown. Now doesn't that sound like an idea for a top ratings series?
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