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Sat 5-Mar-11
10:51 pm
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Terrier
York

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ooh don't get me started about families.. I have no children of my own, but OH has two sons that are no end of strife in what they expect.

Mike and his ex, have been in and out of 'the circle of trust' so many times it drives me nuts. They are both so desperate to see their grandkids that they constantly walk on egg shells around one son & wife, scared that if they say one word out of turn they be ostracised again (As we were last summer).

What happened to people respecting their elders?

Sun 6-Mar-11
8:18 pm
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maria

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e.p where are you?  I agree my girls are proud, I just had a 'skype' session, the eldest was burglared last night, thank god they are all ok, only xbox and cash, they think a neighbour or someone they know! so they are all upset, Im sending her my russian styled black fur hat to cheer her up!

Second daughter her bump 'baby due in june' is getting bigger i gauge it every week! she was telling me they are buying clothes for 6mnths to 9mnths now as they have enough smaller clothes! ( we didnt have as much when they born) but she was chaty tonight, we were on skype for 35mins, that would have cost a fortune on the phone.

Have contacted my sons fiancee again, neither she nor he has returned any contact, however I will continue to be sweetness and light, maybe they will see the light! one day.   Also partners son and gorgeuos grandaughter and mum we had a little laugh with them tonight, they were waring red noses!

Terrier I sympathise, we know of a couple who arent aloud to see the grandchildren if 'she' is around!! life is too short! on that note Im off to make a cuppa chow xtoffeeapple

Sun 6-Mar-11
10:05 pm
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Cherami
Cher France

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I am not sure what you feel about this but I don't think our children realise that we also need affection and love as they do, we give freely of course but it's nice if some comes back. The whole situation makes me very sad.

Our children reap what we sow

Sun 6-Mar-11
10:14 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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wave Robert you have  just made me cry.  It is always me who gets in touch with my sons.  I know they love me, but sometimes I just wish it was them who picked up the phone and said " Hi Mum how are you? "   After all, I live on my own.  How do they know I am well?

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Sun 6-Mar-11
10:18 pm
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brightspark
Wilts

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Just for a moment, cast your minds back to when you were their age - with the world at your feet, and you can do anything you want. These olds are too staid, we want to do things our way!

 

These are the sort of thoughts that I heard - and sometimes felt - especially if I believed I was being 'lectured'.

 

However, I too am a grandparent now - and I can see the same traits in the younger set. I have to say that I am very close to our son and daughter, and I sincerely hope it stays that way.

Sometimes I think it might do us all good just to look in the mirror occasionally - none of us are perfect, and neither are our children, no matter how much we love them.

As Maria says, she will continue to be sweetness and light, and hopefully it will be sorted, and maybe, yes, they will see the light. Let's hope.

Good luck to everyone - let's make this world a happier place!  big_hug

"How do you spell 'Love'?" (Piglet). 

"You don't spell it, you feel it" (Pooh).

 'A hug,' said Pooh 'is always the right size!' 

Sun 6-Mar-11
10:30 pm
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Cherami
Cher France

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What can I say I never intended to do that, I hear you brightspark but some of these kids can be very cruel and it is only after that they wish they had done better, really when it sort of comes to their turn to be alone.

As Brightspark says she has a good relationship and that is great but when it goes wrong it hurts as danast has said. Me being taurus I suppose I that much more sensative than I should be, but it's six years now and one son has only spoken once and that was when he needed money. But as Esta ranson used to say Thats Life.

Our children reap what we sow

Sun 6-Mar-11
10:45 pm
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danast
Argyll, Scotland

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wave Both my sons love me and are in touch.  I just sometimes wish it would be more often.  The son in India and I have never really gelled.  We love each other , but don't always get on.  It has caused so much heartache for me.  My other son and I have always been so close and that kind of makes it worse.  Mind you he very rarely phones me.  His partner does and so we keep in touch.  He is just so laid back it is unreal and has no idea I would like him to phone more often.  But you know they both have their own lives to lead.  I brought them up to be independent and to enjoy life and be happy. So what can I say?  They love me and if I needed them they would do their best to be here, what more can I ask?

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Mon 7-Mar-11
9:36 am
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paperman
Saxmundham, Suffolk

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I read all this and identify with a lot of it. Actually I was an only child and was not that close to my mother or father through my teenage years, all my fault - boys can be hell. But once I got through that stage we all got closer but sadly my father died when he was 54 and I was in my mid-twenties, he only saw one of his grandchildren, my eldest daughter. I did though even when working in USA keep in regular touch with my mother and phoned her often even though in many ways she probably didn't need it as she built a new life over the years but she too died about 8 years ago and I find sometimes little corners of guilty conscience maybe about some of the things I said to them or how I treated them when I was a kid.

My eldest daughter vaguely keeps in touch via email but I haven't seen my own children or grandchildren in over 4 years - and 8 grandchildren missing from your life is a lot - a tragedy meant I was living on my own and to get away from some of the most painful memories of my life I had to reorganise my life eventually retiring and moving to Suffolk - this brought almost universal disapproval as I think they felt I was rejecting them, which in a way I suppose I was although that was not the intention - I had to have clean air round me to be able to nurse my own wounds and face the demons inside. I am still doing that.

I am though fortunate because I have sort of been adopted by a friends family as a sort of stray uncle and that is a very big family and I get drawn in to their family events such as Christmas, birthdays and such like, but even then the quiet times come and the little boy inside knows this isn't how I expected it to be.

We can only play with the cards we have in our hand and if it is a good hand enjoy and appreciate it and above all be thankful..

I have reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me...

Mon 7-Mar-11
4:26 pm
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maria

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Paperman dont ever give up on contacting, birthdays xmas etc keeping the lines of communications open is so so important.    You know we have children but it doesnt really follow that they like us or we like them! as people! does it!!  After all they are made up of all our genes! and their own,  As brightspark wisely said what were we like as youngsters? well Im not an average case, I was living with my very elderly granmother, then my brother until I ran away to a livery stable just outside melton mowbray I was barely 16, hadnt lived with my parents for 2 years.    We had an on off relationship until 'I' was in my late forties, then after my father died, my mother and I re bonded, I saw her for the frightened, subserviant person she had been all her married life! we talked virtually every day even after we moved to Bulgaria.   My dear mother died in my arms 18mnths ago, I went back and nursed her the last 10 ten days of her life, we had time to talk and laugh before she went.

Had we not found each other again I would have never known the real woman my mother was, her naughty sense of humour, her great artistic skills and her everlasting wise old Devonshire sayings.     So Im hoping my 39 yr old son who holds a very responsible and highly paid job will wake up one day and remember he has a mother too who is waiting for that special phone call!

In the meantime I still keep in contact by sending messages .toffeeapple

Mon 7-Mar-11
5:32 pm
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ep
Bulgaria

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I don't know where to start with this one.  I kept my children going when my ex took up with another so to speak and my children were just in the way.  I made sure he enjoyed them when 'she' would let him and he even stayed in my new home.   Now he's older and wiser and regrets those years, still sends me birthday cards, came to my parents and my sisters funeral but my problem is with my son's wife.  She knew nothing of the history...but now she is sucking up to them, money attracts money, her father is wealthy, and now my ex is well in favour....oh yes, they can go and spend weekends there but no mention about coming out here.  I had no Christmas cards, no birthday card and 'we didn't know you address' which I have written on the last three cards that I have sent to them for various birthdays and Christmas....'oh, the envelopes were damaged when they got here'.

Their loss.  I have forgiven so much of what she has done even catching her out on a downright lie but my son has to support her....it's his new family and until he knows how to stand up to her....I'm not even going to go there.  My door here is always open....and yes I do have one now that the renovations are underway....big_laughbig_laugh...As for my neighbours here...they are genuine....we have trust in each other....I would go miles out of my way for them and them for me...we are linked in our hearts....and that's the way it should be.  If you can't get it with children...maybe they have to work it out....and all I  can do is wait and see.  As for my daughter she is 'proud' of me but she is dubious about coming out here.  We were originally going to buy a school and turn it into a(n) hotel and I still think she feels guilty about letting me down when they pulled out...she has to come to terms with that....I have....that water has way gone under the bridge.  Perception....as I said...I will go back for a holiday....home is where the heart is so they say and when I get my five or so eggs and my home made bread and I can do little favours for them out here....life's good.heartheart

Who lives long sees much : The diary of my life in Bulgaria

Mon 7-Mar-11
6:10 pm
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maria

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ep, your right 'home is where the heart is' my heart is here in our home in Bulgaria which my dear fellow has worked so hard on, and has another 40 years ahead!!!! of work,  seriously my dear, my dear old mother in law  once said, if a woman has sons she could lose them to their wives, if you have daughters you can gain sons! tis true for you as it is for me.

As you say the door is open, one day you may get a very pleasant surprise, as for your daughter she is young when she grows into herself she may decide on that move!

Meanwhile enjoy your chuks and quadrupeds, drink with your neighbours as we do with ours sleep well tonight knowing youve done your best xtoffeeapple

Mon 7-Mar-11
6:29 pm
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Cherami
Cher France

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Our children reap what we sow

Mon 7-Mar-11
7:05 pm
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ep
Bulgaria

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Cherami said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-f3lLZnmYY


 

Sorry....my connection here is too slow for any videos ....can't appreciate your message but I know where you are coming from...I left home at 21...that's what was allowed in those days but my mother and father came out to Gibraltar to stay with me....and I contacted every week...maybe it's what we did...we respected our relationship...the youth of today don't.  I'm not saddened ...way of the world...

Who lives long sees much : The diary of my life in Bulgaria

Mon 7-Mar-11
8:00 pm
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JoannaS
Latvia

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I wouldn't say that the younger generation don't know how to keep in touch, in some ways it is a matter of keeping in touch their way. I am friends on facebook with two of my children, I used to use MSN until my kids moved on, and I use Skype to talk. I am more in touch with my kids than with my parents but then again that is because we get on better, mine had too many expectations of me and we didn't get on. I didn't even know my parents were coming to our wedding until they turned up on the doorstep, so I am grateful for any contact I have with my kids and try to keep in touch with them but time does slide by sometimes. When my son got married, I really felt I gained a daughter and we are getting there with our new son-in-law and the month spent in Australia with the pair really helped us to gel together. My youngest split with his girlfriend of 3 1/2 years recently but we are still friends with the lass, not so sure about with him though, it comes and goes as it always has with him.big_hug

Thu 10-Mar-11
9:44 am
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Cherami
Cher France

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ep said:

Cherami said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-f3lLZnmYY


 
Sorry....my connection here is too slow for any videos ....can't appreciate your message but I know where you are coming from...I left home at 21...that's what was allowed in those days but my mother and father came out to Gibraltar to stay with me....and I contacted every week...maybe it's what we did...we respected our relationship...the youth of today don't.  I'm not saddened ...way of the world...


Bearing in Mind you are ep Elvis Presely sang this song.

 

Home is where the heart is
And my heart is anywhere you are
Anywhere you are is home
I don't need a mansion on a hill
That overlooks the sea
Anywhere you're with me is home

Maybe I'm a rolling stone
Who won't amount to much
But everything that I hold dear
Is close enough to touch

For home is where the heart is
And my heart is anywhere you are
Anywhere you are is home

Maybe I'm a rolling stone
Who won't amount to much
But everything that I hold dear
Is close enough to touch

For home is where the heart is
And my heart is anywhere you are
Anywhere you are is home

Home, home, home, home, home

Our children reap what we sow

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