Mess
Comments(31)
A few years ago Danny admitted that he had considered leaving me.
“The problem is that you are so untidy. You have too much stuff and too little space. At one point I just felt I couldn’t cope.” He stared at me with a slightly pop eyed look. Probably expecting an explosion.
I could only agree with him. Luckily he has very little in the way of possessions. Even the Min Pins have more toys. His arrival at the cottage had a big impact on my life and a small impression on the space. Until he tired of living out of a suitcase and suggested that his own wardrobe would be a better option.
I averted disaster by buying a small shed. Not as a chilly walk in wardrobe for Danny rather a place to move all my stuff that was compressed in the wardrobe. We spent a morning shifting the stuff from wardrobe to shed.
“When are you ever going to use a shooting stick? That outboard motor’s leaking oil. What about this roll of lino? We have carpets.”
“The lino is for lino cuts.” I often buy in bulk. It’s cheaper, if you actually use the stuff.
“OK, keep the lino. Why don’t we just chuck the rest?”
Never.
He has benefited from his magpie princess. Once I raised the money for a weekend away by selling some early 20th century fishing rods and reels that I was storing in the barn, just in case.
“Surely if you take up fishing, you’d want a super, lightweight rod and reel. This stuff is over a hundred years old. You wouldn’t cut a dash on the riverbank and they’d be difficult to use.”
Cheffins auction rooms obliged.
Before the terrible day when he hired the giant skip and cleared some of “the tat” from the barn, we usually had a selection of replacements if something got broken. Some of them were older than me and a few still worked with a little care and the gentle touch of an oily rag.
Things have got out of hand over the past few months at the cottage. Even I am finding it hard to locate ingredients in the larder and cope with the buffeting landslide when I open a “stash” cupboard door. Suddenly the idea of the practical use of space is appealing.
As D is away on business this week I decided to take a few days off and tackle the kitchen. Already I’ve found lost treasures. A Rose Elliot cook book, my phone charger and an unrecognisable object under the cooker which could have been an ancient potato or a large anaesthetised slug. It was guzzled so fast by Inca that I’m still not sure.
Already I’m fighting the seductive trill of the magpie daemon.
“Why not just shift some stuff into the attic before Danny gets back and think about it later? He’ll never know. You might need the weighing scales without weights one day. You could probably make your own weights if you put your mind to it.”
Think of the beauty of the Scottish Highlands or the west of Ireland. Take a cottage by a loch, by woodland, by the sea. Peace and solitude in beautiful surroundings. It’s the most economical accommodation and standards are very high nowadays. Click here: Scotland Ireland
Apricot and peach jam recipe
How to cook puffballs recipe
Examine your tools carefully before you proceed
Heather Espley on 
tom claydon on 
fn on 
gracie on 
Suky on 
Zoe on 
Derek Nua on 
Odelle on 
Usually when you write, I find it rather spooky and don’t leave comments because you’ve already said exactly what I wanted to say.
However, I’m firmly with Danny on this one. You see, I married a squirrel and an untidy one. I have a bet with myself to see how long it takes him every day to start a sentence with, ‘Have you seen the..?’ Or, ‘Where is the ..?’ Worse – when he says, ‘I put it here and now it isn’t there any more.’ Implying that I’ve moved the thing!!!
Oh how I recognise myself here! There are only the two of us and I never have enough space. I constantly ask myself how families manage. I cannot bear to throw anything away and always put stuff in the shed or up in the loft. My husband says that one day we will be lying in bed and the loft will come down on top of us! I buy books on how to be organised and enjoy reading them but of course they only add to all the other books!! I read somewhere that you should only keep things that are either useful or beautiful, so perhaps I’ll start to use this as a guide. I look upon things as part of my life, much better than a diary, remember when I bought this, used this, who gave this to me? etc etc ….well thats my excuse.
I recognise myself too! I’m definitely a hoarder (and Cliff is too – but I probably have more stuff!)
Your post struck a chord – this weekend Cliff was away so I tidied my studio and adjoining office (displacement activity instead of getting on with some new linocuts) now I can see my desk and the floor and can reach the other window and open the blind!!!! It’s sunny this morning and I’m sitting in a lovely bright space. Thank goodness I did because I’ve got a client collecting a commission on Thursday and she wants me to design and print some table name cards for a wedding while she waits!
I’m going to keep this a tidy civilised space from now on
Celia
hey, ive been reading your blog for some months now but this is my first comment! i have to say im sideing with danny on this one! i live with my partner and his parents, all of them have a problem! not with throwing things away but buying useless junk and keepinhg broken things! using something and not putting it back and hording things ‘just incase’!! we usually have a skip every other month that is filled within a day or two! and i have had no choice but to keep ‘accidentally’ breaking things beyond any hope of repair… like the two fish tanks that i accidentally hit with a hammer several times! i really diddnt have a choice! it was either keep climbing over them or get rid of them! and the 4 bin bags of clothes with rips, buttons missing, faded or too small that i boiled washed and shrunk! (opps!!) we have 3 seperate lofts in the house all are full of bags and boxes of ’stuff’ the garage is full the 3 roomed celler is full! they are all getting better but i do have to nag! i think the best thing to do for you would be to be brutal, start in the kitchen and work your way through the house room by room, sort into piles of: ‘couldnt live without’, ‘i dont know what it is’ and ‘i havent used in the last 6 months’. everything in the latter two of the piles throw or sell, then go through the first pile again, proberably best to do this with danny and be brutal, it wont be easy but it will be worth it! the money you make from selling of things you dont use can be saved incase of emergency. you will feel alot better when you have cleared out everything, things will be easier to find and you will feel ‘lighter’ if that makes any sense!
i really am not evil or anything for taking my own drastic action, the people concerned dont normally notice until they find space i made in a cupbord and fill it with more junk again! 
Hoarder here too… Hope to soon have a tidy up, but you just never know when you are going to need that thing you throw out!!! Have you checked freecycle out??? I have been looking at it the past few days, but feel it may only add to my hoard rather than take away from it.
Isn’t it lovely how all we fellow hoarders can offer support and encouragement to each other?! I sympathise, too with those people who live with hoarders – we’re not easy to be around if we’re in full “save that wrapping paper, we can use it again. Oh, and keep that tray from the roast – I’ll use it to raise seedlings in” mode!!
I’m naturally very messy, and find it so difficult to put things away. I’ve still got a few “boxes of doom” around the place, mostly in my mum’s loft (I’m 25). I keep meaning to deal with them, but when I open them up I get swept up in a wave of nostalgia and can’t bear to part with the offending items. Sometimes it’s because it was a gift from someone that I never liked and have never used, but feel so guilty about that I can’t throw it out and commit myself to using it in future (which of course I don’t) and sometimes it’s because I have attached silly memories to whatever it is. I still have crayon scribbles drawn for me by some nameless child from my work experience at a Frankfurt Kindergarten 10 years ago!!
The worst thing is when you realise that you’re a sad case, and you get that feeling of doom that you’ll never change, your house will never be an uncluttered haven of calm and you’ll always have a box of doom hiding somewhere in the house. It’s then that I get really ruthless and throw away all those things I’m keeping cos it would make me guilty not to – and I WEIGH what I’ve thrown, it’s remarkably satisfying that way!! I have also tried putting things into a “yet to decide” box – if I don’t know for sure that I can throw them away, I box them up (neatly) and label them with the date, and if I’m not filled with the joy of reunion when I look through that box next time, they go.
It’s nearly spring and I’m finding myself in need of another chuck out. Who’s with me?!
Oprah did a show on this that I saw. The suggested approach was to move everything out of the room or shed etc eg. make a pile on the lawn. Then you have one minute to choose six things. You get to keep those and the rest goes. No adding, no second guessing, no nothing. It just goes. Maybe you could try something like that.
Personally, I hate clutter. I find it a burden. I take great delight in chucking stuff out.
I agree with Kj. Mess clutters my brain. A tidy, space without unnecessary stuff is my idea of bliss.
Chap I work with has a kind of intermediate approach; he can’t bear to chuck anything and so relegates redundant stuff to the store cupboard or garage for a respectful six months or so and THEN gets rid. I’m far more ruthless and if I acquire a new item of clothing, for example, I actively seek something to take to the charity shop. Makes my girlfriend Moby wince…
Oh how this post rings warning bells in my head! Four years ago I moved house to start a new job and as I already had a holiday booked I paid for the removal people to pack up my house for me in my absence. As I had 10 days after I returned and knew no-one I unpacked everything and was ruthless about getting rid. I found it very cathartic and it got easier each time I put an item in the “got to go” box. Living in a flat about a charity shop does make the disposal of stuff easier and can be done before I have second thoughts. Obviously the hoarding is an inherited trait which includes the ability to throw out other people’s stuff! I remember years ago having a clear out at home and realising that as quickly as my mum and I were removing stuff from the loft my dad was stashing it in the garden shed! No wonder the car wasn’t filling up very quickly.
What a great topic Fi! I can’t live with mess . . . everything in its place! It seems to ‘free me up’ somehow! And what a lovely feeling when you open a cupboard and everything is all lined up, tidy and labelled . . . good luck!
Unfortunately, my ex is as bad as I’ve been so no help there.
I had a good laugh reading this, though. And the picture in my mind of you and that old fishing rod… as a keen angler myself, I can tell you now that it would’ve been a riot
My husband has difficulty throwing anything away- and I really mean ANYTHING. We have a very large garage and a shed FULL of stuff.In fact, when we were moving back to the UK and I saw the size of the garage I knew this was the house for us and it has meant I can have a ‘nothing in the loft’rule because of the potential ceiling falling in scenario.I can keep the living room tidy all week if he is away, but within minutes of his return the sofa,floor and table are just covered in STUFF.He is a hopeless case, but then I knew that when he moved in ( with stuff, though there was 24 yearsworth less of it then)so I accepted the whole package.Most of the time I can put up with it, but every now and then it gets to me- usually when the walkway through the boxes to my potting shed gets blocked!
Kate, That’s me exactly. Of course we accept the whole package and there is an awful lot of love, but every now and then it gets to me too and I throw a ‘wobbly’. I actually thought ’squirrel’ was allergic to bins at one stage because ’stuff’ can find its way near the bin, but the last final sacrificial act is always down to me.
books were the wifes weakness, boxes and boxes of books. A loud sliding and crashing noise from the box room one afternoon could not be investigated as the door was jammed shut from inside!.The embarassment of having to explain to the police, called out by the neighbourhood watch why I was accessing my own house via an upstairs window and ladder spurred me to take drastic action.
As “KJ” calls it i did an “oprah” emptied the room and put up a set of bookshelves. the wife was allowed to fill the bookshelf with favourites and the rest went to charity. The law to this day “Books, if they aint on the shelf they aint in the house” . you have to be firm its the only way. happy sorting….
Mmmm. I’ve still got a Christmas tree decoration (an obnoxious green plastic reindeer with a broken leg) that I’ve had for several decades. And I still save butter papers, even when I know I can’t use them all. And the three-year-old kitchen extension is now crammed to bursting with even more bargain pots and pans. And why can’t I throw away ancient paperback I know I’ll never read again (priced 2/6d.!!)? And does anyone else save plastic packaging from the supermarket to use as plant saucers – but you never do??
Oh how I empathise. I cleared my kitchen out a couple of weeks ago, and the stuff I chucked out was ridiculas. I donated some cupboard stuff to my needy friend, who enjoyed the elderberry jelly and cup-a-soups.
Hi Sally
I think that I would get on well with your squirrel!
I say similar things most days to D – He is such a sweetheart that he searches for the things too.
Hi Kathy
I feel the same about my stuff. But I do have loads of extraneous bits that just need to be sifted and chucked, like the nifty carrier bag filing system that drives me dotty when I have to find that important letter.
Hi Magic Cochin
I love the tidier parts of the kitchen. They look calm and clear and organised. I am now falling over the piles of stuff that I’ve shoved in the sitting room. Thank goodness D is away all week.
Hi Stephen
It’s fine to side with Danny!
The not putting it back drives D nuts too. I try and remember and then slip up again.
I do hope that D doesn’t read your comment as he hasn’t cottoned onto accidentally breaking things.
I like your 3 pile advice. Particularly “I don’t know what it is”!
Of course you’re not evil, you are just catching the reins of the runaway coach.
Thanks for leaving a comment.
Hi Pat (and fellow hoarder)
I spent a wonderful hour on Freecycle once and realised that it could be a slippery slope so logged off. If I hadn’t found the 8″ stair rods in the barn to make the fruit cage I would have been scouring Feecycle. Keeping those 4 slim rods has saved me so much time and money!
Hi Clare
My mum saves gift wrap, washes out freezer bags and foil. I actually tossed some plastic veg containers today that could have housed seedlings. I’ve been saving them for weeks but they never make the jump from kitchen side to greenhouse.
Great idea to weigh what you are letting go. Perhaps if I start with the heavy stuff D will be impressed. A “yet to decide box” attracts me. Thanks for the advice.
Hi KJ
Scary idea unless there are just six things on the lawn!
I love my bits and bobs. Also I like to have reserves if something breaks. Just need to sort the wheat from the chaff to begin with.
Hi Jane
I can understand this. In my book bathrooms and bedrooms need to be reasonably clear. They are next on the list.
Hi Martyn
A much gentler solution. Thanks.
The only problem is that there’s no more space in the sheds or barn!
Hi Pamela
The charity that rents the shop beneath your flat would get double bubble from me if I was living above. Crates in the morning and then wads of cash to buy the stuff back in the afternoon.
I empathise with your dad. It took me years to recover from the day of the giant skip and even Danny regretted his impetuousness when we actually had to buy replacements
Hi Mildred
We don’t have much time and this has an impact on the mess. But I need to reorganise things so that we save more time and trim everything down a bit before we are overwhelmed.
Hi Sharon J
The rods and reels were rather beautiful but unlike anything that I’ve seen on any riverbank in my lifetime!
Hi Kate(uk)
When I read your comment, I felt a twinge of guilt. I am determined to clear out a good proportion of the junk.
Hi Sally
This is D all over. Laid back and patient and then suddenly grumpy and shovelling stuff into the barn.
Hi Nick
Great story! The police would have the final straw. Even for me.
We have a lot of books and a lot of shelves, containing most of our collection.
Hi Polly
I’m a butter paper saving fanatic too. Usually, when I find them in the fridge they are out of date.
I want to sort out my ancient paperbacks. There is a box in the bedroom of ones that I don’t want to keep. It just needs shifting down to the charity shop.
Hi Louisa
Filling the larder is one of my known vices. I love buying cookery ingredients. Now I have a rule, I can only add to the larder if there is space on the shelves.
Ohhhh Fiona, I’m just the same. I inherited hoardiness from my ma (“but you never know when that big bag of plastic clippy thingies might come in useful!”). My mother even had 1960s cruet sets she’d collected from Japan Airlines flights, piles of folded foil, balls of string, jam jar lids, enough beautiful crockery for for ten households. Having lost my ma, I was attached to everything she’d left behind, so you can imagine the mayhem.
There’s nothing quite like the prospect of emigration to cure this problem. Paul’s attitude to possessions is very Zen (“but do you really NEED more than one handbag???”) and this is finally filtering through to me. When our quote for shifting our stuff to Australia came in at just under £5000, I guess this is when I really woke up. I had a house auction a couple of weeks ago, inviting London friends – and friends of friends – cooked up a vast bucket of chilli con carne and put lots of stuff out for bidding. I earned £330 from just a few items sold! On top of that, another £270 in one week from selling off what books I could bear to part with. There’s money in them thar piles o’stuff!
It was hard to get rid of the more sentimental things. But deep breath, away they went. “K, those cruet sets are NOT your mother! You’re not throwing your mother away! Just old manky cruet sets!”). It’s a fabulous feeling. And once it’s gone, I don’t miss any of it.
I’ve now gone into a charity shop/selling/eBaying/throwing away frenzy and it feels great. I’m feeling lighter….less befuddled from too many Things. It’s been liberating to chuck stuff out, though I found it a little scary to begin with. Paul is highly approving. He still tries to push me a little too far (“but do you really NEED an ironing board? Surely a towel on the floor will do?”). I know I’ve done well though – our removals quote is now down to £2400. And I’ll be setting off on our travels as light as air!
Fancy a pair of bamboo screens for the garden?
I sympathise. In our house, I’m the squirrel who can’t bear to throw anything away, either for sentimental reasons, or because ‘it might come in useful’. It even extends to my cooking, and I’ve fantasised sometimes about publishing the ‘Leftovers Cookbook’, which seems to be my specialist culinary subject. T is the tidy one whose idea of heaven would be a minimalist apartment. Fat chance!
Freecycle has been a great blessing, in that it allows me to pass on the ‘that might be useful one day’ stuff to people who might actually use it, and feel happy about it. I just cannot bear sending stuff to the tip! I find I don’t pick up much stuff from it, because I know whatever’s advertised will be useful to someone and hence not wasted, so I don’t feel the need to ‘rescue’ it (if that makes sense).
Hi Fiona
The only time I regretted sending an item to the charity shop was a pair of ski pants which had gone because they were too long and I had bought shorter replacements at Aldi. When I offered to share my gear with my sister to save money I looked everywhere with increasing frustration before finally realising where they were. She is 7 inches taller and at least one size smaller than me so it is hardly surprising that when she told a friend of this arrangement there was a certain amount of incredulity expressed. There was a look of Coco the clown when she stepped out onto the ski hill in short baggy pants but she carried it off with aplomb!
A hoarder living alone is worse than living with a non-hoarder as there is no-one to keep the ever encroaching mountains of stuff in check; no guilty conscience as you buy that item “just in case” and then step over in the hall for the next 3 months as you really don’t have anywhere to put it. Just that sinking feeling of apologising for the mess when unexpected visitors arrive and you have to pretend that you have been too busy for the last few days to tidy up and the realisation that this really isn’t a great way to live. Do I really need to climb over 6 bags of knitting to get to my chair to watch TV?
Have you ever been to a house clearance auction? Now that’s where the bargains are to be had …
Hi Katherine
Good to hear from you!
You are right and well done you. Perhaps, I could pretend that I was emigrating and do the same.
Sometimes it’s the Japan Airlines cruet set that touches you far more deeply than the priceless dinner service. I can understand your dilemma. Well done for fighting through.
I laughed out loud at the towel on the floor. That was me thirty years ago.
The bamboo screens sound tempting but I am gearing up to off load mode at the moment.
Hi Moonroot
Thanks for your wise advice.
I hadn’t thought about it before but Freecycle is a much better option than the tip.
Hi Pamela
Your ski pants story made me giggle this morning.
I’ve experienced the ‘mess embarrassment’ when invited guests arrive!
I used to love house clearance auctions, and picking through car boot sales. Now I just don’t have the space to accommodate anything.
It is so encouraging to know that there are lots of other people out there struggling with “piles”.Clearing and throwing is a joyous experience and I must admit that living with a super-hoarder has made me much better at keeping my own possessions down to a more reasonable level. Happy Spring Cleaning one and all!
Fiona, take some photos of your rammel, and put them up here for us all to poke through. There is nothing so intriguing as other people’s treasures.
Amalee
Hi Kate(uk)
I am struggling here. I’ve done quite a lot in the kitchen and then it’s the larder and bathroom!
But it’s gradually becoming a bit my efficient!
Hi Amalee
I think that it might damage the camera!
Oh no, not the bathroom cupboards! I cannot work out how we manage to fill the many cupboards in the bathroom so successfully.The even greater mystery is how my daughter is managing for toiletries whilst she is away at college as her shelf in our bathroom is still full to bursting….every now and then I open the bathroom cupboards, look inside, close them, walk away and find another job to do.I’m just a coward.
Hi Kate(uk)
I can totally empathise with that cowardly behaviour!
Hello Fiona!
I know it’s been an age since I last posted on here but I do still read every single post. I have been ridiculously busy as my PhD is really picking up speed now so I haven’t really had the time. I’ve been reading your blog as a ‘treat’ for when I’ve been good, got a load of work done and need a break! However, this time I simply HAD to post something!
I am a hoarder and always have been. The last time we moved house I actually found a copy of the student paper from my first undergraduate year at Warwick uni lurking amongst my notes! It is however getting a bit insane and I have made the huge decision that the two weeks I spend at Peter’s after I hand in my first draft of the report I’m working on will be spent sorting out, throwing away and packing up all my stuff in preparation for the big move on the 2nd of May. Our current landlady wants to sell the house we’re in so we have instead decided to buy somewhere of our own but there is the distinct possibility that we will be homeless for a few weeks in between moving out of here and into our own place. We’re bribing various neighbours to let us store stuff in their garages but obviously we can’t take up that much space so we’re going to REALLY have to cut down on the amount of stuff we have. I fear that the first casualty is going to be my humongous collection of books.
I’m hoping that if I throw away enough of the trashy novels, I can guilt Peter into letting me keep the rest! Fingers crossed………
Hello Minamoo
Great to hear from you.
It’s so hard to throw away books. I sold a lot of my academic ones when I left uni years ago and they made quite a lot of money. Since then I have always found it pretty impossible to offload any books.
However, I do have a decent pile for the church fete this May.
How exciting that you are buying your first house! Good luck with the move.
I’m a complete clutter queen too! I have little piles of things all round the house that “may come in handy” or that “I could make something out of” or that I simply haven’t put away. It does get distressing and I wish it would all magically file itself away in organised labelled boxes in an imaginary wing of the house but hey ho…
I’ve dedicated part of my blog to fellow clutter chums where we can all embrace the clutter! Have a peek at other people’s clutter – it’ll make you feel better!
http://familyshenanigans.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/embrace-the-clutter/
Hi Plumsource
Gazing at your clutter made me feel a lot better!
Thanks for the link.