This past year
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Photo: Flowers I picked this morning from the garden
Three years ago when I explained my first “save money blog challenge” to my mum – not to buy cut flowers for a year - her response was immediate.
“But this is terrible. You love flowers. Why would you want to stop buying them?”
This was the toughest challenge. Far harder than cutting our weekly shopping bills by 50%.
I did plant extra perennials in the garden and gradually came to love the gentle look of these. Home grown flowers have far more life and charm than the rather stiff offerings from florists and supermarkets. In fact the challenge has continued and I have not bought cut flowers for myself for over three years now.
I had no idea that within a few years I would be growing my own flowers to sell. Now I have enough flowers to feed my passion and share with others too.
July 14th 2010 marked a whole year off work. What a year it has been. Frightening, especially in the early months, when I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Until my doctor discovered after a couple of months in that I had a severe kidney infection, I suspected that I was suffering from a much more serious condition. And when the infection finally cleared up why was I still feeling so ill?
And I still don’t really know what is wrong exactly. Chronic fatigue syndrome/ME loosely describes the condition. My neurologist reckons that stress was a key factor in developing this. Before I fell ill I was not handling stress well, everything had got out of sync. Life had become a struggle. I was running with The Red Queen
“Well, in our country,” said Alice, still panting a little, “you’d generally get to somewhere else — if you run very fast for a long time, as we’ve been doing.”
“A slow sort of country!” said the Queen. “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”
Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll
I was lucky, for years I had been collecting things. These were a sort of insurance policy that I hoped that I’d never have to cash in. I was able to sell some of these possessions to keep going financially. I remember that my voice wobbled when I first suggested this to my friend – Martin Beazor a local antiques dealer. I didn’t want to let these things go. But strangely I hardly miss them at all. If you swap inanimate objects for time and freedom there are no regrets.
Time to think, drift, plan and sleep. Looking back I needed this phase to repair and rebuild the sort of life that regenerates itself rather than one that whips along to a place of burn out. I already feel more confident and balanced. I now have time to stop and stare. After all the heartache and frustration, writing this post today I suddenly realised that this past year has been a precious gift that few are given. An enforced break may not be as limiting as it first appears.
A key goal is setting up different streams of income to replace my old earnings. Each step forward is towards a much more rounded way of life. I strongly believe that this is possible although sometimes it seems tantalisingly out of reach and I still have a long way to go.
My life saver has been writing this blog. It has been a focus for each day – a still stretch of water in a choppy sea. Here I have found friends, ideas and encouragement that make me realise that even though I might spend hours in bed dozing with just the Min Pins for company, I am still part of a vibrant community.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Your support has helped keep me keep going this past year and spurred me on to rebuild my life.
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What a lovely entry, Fiona. You’re so right in so many ways. We sometimes need that ’space’.
Love and hugs to you and Danny.
Go girl! x
My life can be very Red Queen-like; running up the ‘down’ escalator, little legs blurring to stay in the same place. Letting go is so very difficult but so liberating. As long as we have a roof and food, we need to decide what will have been important in 100 years’ time. If it’s irrelevent then it’s not a priority now.
Easy to say, so very hard to do.
A thank you to you! Your blog is a joy to read, and I look forward to each new post.
“But strangely I hardly miss them at all. If you swap inanimate objects for time and freedom there are no regrets.”
This post is very meaningful and truthful. I love and appreciate it so much! I have just recently started reading your blog, so i haven’t known your history or circumstances. But i identify with the lesson learned.
The things we are often taught to value are really of no value at all. We miss out on the most valuable freedoms by chaining ourselves to what others have convinced us equals comfort.
what a wonderfully optimistic post after such a year. It has been a privilege getting to know you two albeit over the net. Loved to watch you face each challenge with determination and that optimism.
Yes, this is a wonderful thing to read, Fiona. I’m so glad you see how far you’ve come and the different things you’ve accomplished.
Just something so simple and clear as going from buying flowers every week, to growing your own, to having enough to sell to others required a lot of thinking and feeling and doing. You had to dig out all those beds. You rearranged parts of your yard to make this happen. Now your garden gives more to you and more to others.
To sit back and appreciate all of this… I am so glad you are able to feel it all.
You are a joy, and I am so glad for your life.
Hi Fiona,
When I was in my early 30s, I had to stop working. How was I going to manage on sick pay? I was terrified, I had been putting the decision off for months, and then one day, I knew I couldn’t fight it any more.
I managed fine. I had time to cycle ’round and buy special offers in all the supermarkets, instead of popping in to the most expensive one that was closes to me. I didn’t need an expensive wardrobe anymore, and I had time to sew my own clothes again. I went to yoga and meditation everyday.
The one and a half years I was out of the work force were some of the best days of my life, and certainly an eye opener, I thought working my butt off to give my daughter everything was the right thing to do, but I found out all my daughter wanted was me, and she flourished because I had time for her.
I look forward to reading your blog, and hearing what you, Danny and the Min Pins get up to.
Hugs
Jean
I had to give up my very well paid career because of illness 12 years ago. I was scared rigid but found that while I missed my salary dreadfully, I didn’t actually miss the work – just the people I worked with.
I will never be well enough to return to work, but found, like others, that my outgoings are far less, and that time is the most precious thing of all. I can do many of the things I enjoy if I pace myself, and really value the time to grow my veg, cook, read, sculpt, and, above all, think.
I have come to see it as a gift.
Now you literally have time to sit back and ’smell the roses’. It takes a lot of courage to take that step and be self-sufficient. I cannot do that with the mortgage to pay and other drains on my resources, but I try and grow some of my own flowers and veg, do some meditation, try and find a balance somewhere along the way.. I love reading your blog and seeing what you guys are up to. Having recently started my own blog, I understand how much you get out of it. Your blog friends are here for you. Keep up the good work. x
Thank you Fiona for such an inspirational post. What you have achieved in the last year, with your positive attitude to life, even though you have had darker times, gives real hope to lots of people. We all look forward to your blog each day. I am so glad it has helped you. We are a ‘vibrant community’ and we all care about you, Danny and of course the Min Pins!
What a lovely post Fiona!
Stress can be a dreadful thing but out of the awfilness that it pushes us into can come good things!
Like you I got into a stressful spot 4 years ago: I developed Fibromyalgia as supposed to ME (same thing different bodily response) I also had to give up work and had to rebuild my life; I am still getting there but overall I am happier now than I have been in ages and occasionally remember to rein in when stress levels peak!!
Good luck in the future
Shelley
This is indeed a lovely post. You are thanking us for reading, I thank you for all the information you share: Andrew, wormery, all the recipes, gardening tips, etc. etc. Not forgetting posts such as this one.
Am I alone in wondering how, if she was too ill to work, Jean managed to cycle all over town?
We went to see Rabbi Blue the other week, one piece of his wisdom stuck in my mind – it’s only through our problems that we become wise. Mmmm… he’s a very sensible man.
What you’ve had to face hasn’t been easy, but I can tell from you blog posts that you have learnt so much over the past year. And what’s more you and Danny share your discoveries with everyone who reads The Cottage Smallholder, how lucky we are
Take care Fiona, I know you’re on the mend even though it’s a long slow journey. And best wishes to Danny who has helped you to take Cottage Smallholder into an exciting new chapter.
Love from
C & C (the pickle wranglers)
and all your furry and feathered friends down the road in sunny Suffolk xxx
It’s funny what can happen when life forces a change on you that you hadn’t anticipated.
If you think about it, you’re lucky to have slowed down. Maybe not that you fell ill, of course, but that something made you change your lifestyle, and now you can enjoy a slower pace.
Good luck with getting well, and staying slow.
A very encouraging post. I am going through a very stressful patch at the moment which results in me having vertigo attacks, I am currently having to review my work situation as I have so many attacks at work, but my fear is how will I manage, pay the mortgage and so on. I don’t know what will happen but it really helps to read other peoples experiences, thank you for sharing.
Fiona, it’s good to hear the positive tones in your post. You sound like you’re starting to really plan the kind of future you want, rather than one your illness creates.
And it’s nice that the blog works two-ways.
As ever, Fiona, the thanks you extend quite rightly returns to you, ten-fold. And with all justification. Your shared insights give joy and inspiration to others around the world, an incredible example of discovering more on the flip side of life than you could ever have dreamed.
I hope you can join me in raising a toast of congratulations to yourselves. All very best wishes for the next 12 months – onwards and upwards into new discoveries ! x
I loved reading this post – it’s so good to see you upbeat after an unsettling year. I hope the next one is even better and I look forward to “sharing” in your adventures.
Hugs to you, Danny & the Min Pins!
Fiona – have just read your blog. Was really touched by it. Maybe we can all take something from it, just by stopping and looking around. Glad you are feeling better
Hi Fiona,
Loved your blog today, which very much struck a cord with my current situation. Just about to embark on similar journey to explore a simpler, slower pace of life, not without some trepidation as to what lies ahead.
I am about to be made redundant from a part time job that I have loved for the past 12 years working in a Tropical Marine Hatchery growing micro algae and raising clown fish. This has been most rewarding and fulfilling employment which I fell into by accident really when returning to the world of work when my daughter was 8 years old.
I do however suffer from Psoriatic Arthritis and am often in pain, a condition which will sadly only get worse and like yourself have, without realising it, lived a very stressful existence for the past ten years, balancing child rearing with caring for my elderly highly dependant mother who in the last year of her life suffered from dementia, along side a physically demanding job.
Suddenly everything has changed, my daughter left for university last September (she is following somewhat in your footsteps and studying drama and all aspects of theatre at Hull), my Mother died in November not long after we lost our beloved dog and now the redundancy. Suddenly I am my own person again and have decided with the unerring support of my husband to opt for the slower pace of life in an effort to preserve my failing health and remain active for as long as I am able. I can turn my hand to most things, enjoying all manner of crafts, cooking, gardening, and am looking forward to resurrecting my old passion for photography. It will however demand frugality and I have learnt a lot already from your journey over this last year, but hope I can also rise to the challenge and be a better person for it.
Here’s to both our journeys.
Best Wishes to you both,
Sue
Rickmansworth, Hertfordshire
Fiona,
I regularly read your blog but rarely comment. But I felt it important to say ‘thank you’ today. Your blog is wonderful, as are your ideas and recipes. I envy and aspire to your way of life (“2 years and counting we say to ourselves” – most years!).
I’ve recovered from a couple of operations, am slowly accepting my body won’t sustain my current working life and am in the midst of retraining so that I can earn some pennies doing a job I love, while trying to adopt a new, more sustainable, less costly life.
So frequently, I whisper a thank you when you’ve brought a smile to my face, a new recipe to my repetoire, or recommended a new book or purchase (I love my Andrew!), let alone shown me time and again that IT IS possible to duck out of the rat race, change your attitude and approach to life to something more rewarding.
And believe me when I say I’m always sending good wishes your way when things are less than ideal with you and the family.
Anyway, anyway, please accept my sincere thanks. You are an inspiration and a joy to read.
x
I am off work with stress at the moment and I’m in my second month off so what you’ve said really resonates with me. I’m starting to enjoy life again and facing up to some of the issues which I had been put under. Glad to hear that things are better for you.
Hello Fiona, You truly are an inspiration. Life takes on many guises and we all, at sometime, reach a ‘down-turn’. Not only have you found the ‘benefits’ during yours, you have reached out to so many of us, via your blog, and encouraged everyone to realise that blessings can come out of our bad times if we look hard enough. So it’s us thanking you for your friendship & honesty which cause us all to take a breath and view the scene around us with new eyes. Thank you (& Danny) for your blog which I and so many others look forward to every day.
Fiona, time flies and although you may still not be able to do as much as you used to do, looking back at your blog posts over the last 12 months it is clear that you are improving and will continue to improve. Life is different following a long illness. I am relieved to be fully recovered now and working full time again. Funnily although I still have debts to srot out following my 3 1/2 years off work, I have more money in my bank account now than I ever did when I was earning twice as much. Perhaps I have finally learnt to cut my cloth accordingly.
Rae Mond, your comment about Jean came across as very harsh and judgemental. You have no idea why Jean is unable to work and poor mental health is just as debilitating as poor physical health. Unfortunately as it is not as easily seen people do make comments like yours. Even as I sat in the doctor’s surgery following my breakdown I would still have tried to tell you, through the tears, that I was not the sort of person to fall apart. But I did. And it was a long hard fight back to good health again. I too was out and about, although my close friends and family could see what a struggle it was. 8 months after I was signed off I still found it almost impossible to tell people I was ill without breaking down. Please think before you make such judgemental comments because they can set you back for days and even weeks in your recovery. I will also confess that I mihgt have thought the same thing before I was ill.
I also say ‘Thank you’ for your lovely inspiring blog. For the past two and a half years you have been my first call when my PC is switched on. Following you daily has been an absolute pleasure and long may it continue. x
Oh Pamela, you know me so well. I know nothing of these matters, and speak from a purely judgemental place of ignorance.
This just a “me too” comment. This blog has been an inspiring place to be over the past year. I started reading it just to enjoy the stories of hens, giant carp, MinPins, Smart Wife — it’s become a lot more than that.
I agree with Pamela, it’s clear from your blog over the past year that your whole outlook on life has changed, and you are getting better and stronger every day. It’s great to read about your new endeavours. Thanks to you and Danny for sharing your journey with us.
God love you Fiona – thank YOU for writing your lovely blog.
Your posts are always inspirational, even when not intending to be because they are just honest. That’s about as inspirational as you can get in this day and age – in my opinion!
I’m glad that you are getting better and hope your recovery continues nicely. Sending you lots of luck for the future, love Claire x