Banned from the Co-op " Didn™t like shopping there anyway
Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and was in no rush, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn™t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from the Co-op.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
I have reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me...
What's their reason for banning you? Behaviour likely to cause a riot??! Seriously though surely they need a valid reason not just some woman with no sense of humour who asks stupid questions. She got what she deserves I reckon - well done for giving everyone else a giggle though - and me.
I was at my local cinema today and my chum from the garden centre was there too- I was meeting Sir who had arrived and was standing at the top of the stairs completely oblivious of me in the queue for coffee. Sir doesn't know David from the Garden Centre as he doesn't do garden stuff. My chum couldn't resist doing his " excuse me sir, but we're having a bit of trouble with a lady over there, could you help me remove her tactfully from the premises?" routine. Sir fell for it hook line and sinker....
Wish I could find that on my laptop! Thanks Neil.
No TA you cant go round searching for obscure files as an excuse for another WINE
that would stop you posting slide shows and soundtracks ......... OH too late then might as well finish the bottle
sit down with a cupa and the urge will subside
Most Users Ever Online: 767
Currently Browsing this Page:
Guest Posters: 11
Newest Members:maximllPl, RobertasseK, EdwardDum, Suzanneclics, Brianalile, JamesSlops
Moderators: Toffeeapple: 16337, AdminTA: 10, Fiona Nevile: 0
Administrators: Danny: 5517