A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better
and better to the lonely Kiwi.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her
and he slowly nursed her back to health
When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Kiwi started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear,
'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
After several weeks of tests at a clinic a doctor was baffled by a case.........
"I am sorry Mr Jones" he said " but I cannot work out as to why your willy is bright orange.....Is it maybe your working enviroment"????
"No" says Mr Jones "I am currently unemployed"
" Then I am sorry but I do not have a clue"
The Doctor thinks a while then asks "What do you do all day then Mr Jones"???
"I mainly sit at home watching porn and eating wotsits" he replies
Sorry if I lowered the tone somewhat heheheeehheehehheh
Oh crap i eat Quavers
Sometime after his resurection Jesus stood on the banks of a large lake with Peter and pondered......
"I wonder if I still have the knack" he said.... "The knack for what Lord" said Peter
"Walking upon the water" said Jesus....."Then you must give it a try Lord" replied Peter.
Jesus removed his sandals and walked slowly forward....five feet out he started to sink!!! "Bugger" said Jesus, "Do not give up my Lord...try again" said Peter..
Lifting his robe Jesus again entered the lake...within ten feet he sank to his waist " Bugger,bugger bugger it" he said " I just do not understand ,what has changed Peter???
"All I can think of Lord" said Peter taking a while to think " You never had those holes in your feet before" !!!!!!!!!!
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