No deep dark secrets are to be revealed here. Just daft, rueful or light hearted stuff. The things that may have been really deep and secret 20 years ago but which seem daft in hindsight.
I will kick off with recent daft stuff.
In March, on the Saturday when England hosted Ireland for their rugby 6 Nations fixture at Twickenham, I raced downstairs to catch the start of the game on TV. On the fourth step, my feet slid from under me and I landed on my back. It seems that I cracked a rib on my left side and it was pretty painful for about three weeks.
Fast forward to mid May. On Wednesday morning, I carried Dr Quito (our semi paralysed Min Pin) upstairs because he loves to doze on the duvet. He is a small dog, so I held him in my outstretched hands. Second step from the top, my feet slipped out from under me again. Luckily, like a rugby player diving over the line, I somehow managed to touch Quito down on the landing unharmed but I lay for a few seconds, totally winded and unable to move or speak.
Now I think I have cracked the same rib but this time at the front. Any attempt to cough, laugh etc. brings on a yelp from me (I am a wuss anyway). What are the chances of the same rib being hit back and front within two months? i should have placed a bet with Ladbrokes
Never knowingly underfed
Oh you poor thing, It's horrible when you you have a cracked rib; either everything becomes funny or you develop a cough, both of which are agonizing. I sometimes slide down the last steps of my stairs and fall in a heap. Not at all elegant.
I frequently stumble, my feet don't always pick up properly. OH and I are often to be seen 'Weebling' along together.
I'll try that again!
Should see me in the ice sometimes here. I took the opportunity to make a spectacular fall outside the local supermarket in the presence of one of my children and his girlfriend. Needless to say they thought it was very funny .
The funniest mishap was to get in a pickle asking for a lemon curd tart, where certain letters got rearranged. My kids have not let me live that one down yet.
my worst ever 'tumble' though not my fault was when I was about 11. I was walking to school with my sister and about 1/4 of a mile from home. Passing a shop on the corner of a road I sensed a slight movement above me..... and was promptly covered from head to toe in pidgeon cr*p!!!
It later appeared that for many years pidgeons had lived on a ledge surrounding the shop and, in moving, one has dislodged years of the stuff on top of me!!!!
I had to return home (much to my father's amazement) and have my entire uniform cleaned whilst I showered thoroughly.
I have never liked pidgeons since that day
Not really a confession, but in my younger days, and a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding.
Wedding group all assembled, when my waist petticoat gently slipped all the way to the floor.
Great hilarity ensued, and luckily everyone was too busy laughing to get a picture. Phew.
OK here goes. I was in my early twenties, teaching and a very grown up person of course! I had to work on a committee with a teacher from the High school and oh boy did I really like him. He was quiet and gentle and although not handsome, he was what I would call a lovely man. I loved the times we had to work together and I was so hoping he would ask me out. Well time went on and I was so trying to impress him. Anyway this day we were walking through the town together and I was so intent on what he was saying that I totally missed my footing and ended up in a heap on the ground. Of course the tights were ripped, my ankle was sore and my knee was bleeding and I was almost crying. ( not so grown up now ). But the worst thing was the poor man just stood there totally helpless. He helped me up, but didn't know how to react really. I was so embarrassed with a scarlet face. Talk about impressing a guy.
He eventually did ask me out, but by that time I had given up on him and was going out with the guy I would eventually marry. I have never forgotten the embarrassment of that day when he looked down and I was kinda draped not very elegantly on the pavement.
Old teachers never die, they just lose their class
Oh, BS – I can empathise with wedding embarrassment – but tell us, was that the outside petticoat (with many layers beneath) or what?
I used to faint quite a lot as a kid, especially in a dentist’s chair. But I got over it years ago. Not before I was best man at a wedding and felt like I was going to collapse half way through the ceremony. So I strode into the inner sanctum and lay on the floor for 20 minutes. That was the biggest taking point of the entire event because I had the rings in my jacket pocket!
Danuta – how horrible can early twenties be, when you are notionally an adult but not a tad as confident as you are when you hit 30. I was horribly shy all through my teens until 18 when I managed to date a lady of 24. In hindsight, I think she may have seen me as an innocent ticket to easy street so probably lucky that parental control eventually intervened.
But I wonder how that gentleman you fancied feels about you and that incident today? Time heals all wounds but I bet he was kicking himself for years afterwards for being so ineffectual when you took a tumble. Maybe it was a lucky thing in hindsight, or maybe a lost opportunity. Who knows?
Never knowingly underfed
ON what might have been . in my younger days i sat waiting for the lights to change outside our local picture house ,on my big single BSA and caught the eye of a rather lovely young lady ,and in true biker style as the lights changed i waved and gunned the bike (just to impress )And the exhaust fell off so i went around the block and coyly collected my silencer trying to keep a low profile but i couldn't help looking at the young lady ,as i caught her eye she said ,would you like a jubilee clip for that well yes i said (thinking What a great line )at wich point she produced a 2inch jubilee clip ,and a screw driver from her handbag .love i was in seventh heaven all my lollipops in one bucket .looks style sexy scottish accent and tools in her handbagi asked if i could have an address to return said items (and probably ask for a date)when she said im'e off back to Scotland tomorrow and they are my ex boyfriends so you can keep them ,he was a f**king biker as well always getting me to carry his stupid bits OH hum ka se ra se ra (but she did have georgus eyes)MOS.xx
sit down with a cupa and the urge will subside
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