The Cottage Smallholder


stumbling self sufficiency in a small space

A quick update on me

Wyandotte hen named Hope

My favourite hen named Hope

I sat down and worked out that for at least half of my adult life – having passed the magical ‘adult’ age of 21 – I’ve spent exactly half of my adult life living alone.

That’s actually 19 years. So I’m not a stranger to that solo state. There are benefits. At home you can be horrifyingly selfish. Watch trashy TV. Eat sandwiches for every meal. Never have to get that resigned nod when you want to buy something. Not brush your hair unless you’re going out.

And of course there’s the flip side. No longer part of a team when two people to work out the best course of action. No one to say that I’m being ridiculous when I actually was being a bit silly. No one to eat with when I’ve pulled out all the stops to make a great meal. No hugs.

There’s the rub. Hugs are really important.

Your virtual hugs have given me so much solace. The stories that some people have shared have made me weep. Why are some people so cruel?

Danny is a good guy. I’m fond of him. He is still clearing out his stuff so we meet regularly. We chat on the phone. He is building a life way outside the boundaries of my life. Of course I’m curious. Long distant friendships are deceptively easy.

It’s when he backs his new (to him) car into the drive that I quail a bit inside. For the first few minutes I hate him.

Within half and hour I’m enjoying the fact that we are now just friends.

Our exclusive one to one relationship had run out of steam. I must admit, I do mourn that. We both tried valiantly to keep it going.

Since he left the tears that used to dominate my day have gradually dispersed. They’re still there and their return always surprises me. Yesterday, in the supermarket car park, I was knocked back by unexpected tears. Thank god I’d done my shopping and was sitting in my car. So I just let go and sobbed – hoping that no one that I knew would spot my car and approach with an encouraging smile. People are frightened by upsets and avoid disasters, so it was unlikely.

Of course I feel very low sometimes.

I’ve joined the gaggle of single businessmen looking for a tempting evening meal for one in the local supermarket. Gradually I’ve stopped overbuying food that I just can’t consume – Danny always ate for at least two.

I’m now feeling so much better than I’ve done for years. A very long time ago I used to feel a tingling in my feet – it made me think that I was charged with some sort of super energy.

Last night when I was relaxing Min Pins on lap, my feet tingled.

 


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49 Comments

  1. Michelle from Oregon

    A new post! Hurray!
    Glad to hear you are finding your new normal, and I hope part of that will be writing.
    Big (((HUGS))) for you and the Min Pins…

  2. Hey Fiona! so glad to hear you’re still alive!

    Be patient with and kind to yourself. Divorce is right up there with Death as a number one stressor in your life, so it only follows that one would grieve them both the same way. It will take awhile, but you’ll get there.

    I know you and Danny are being friends, but don’t forget…

    LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE!!!!!

    Take care!!

  3. veronica

    Hurray! You’re back! Missed you … I could understand you might not feel like writing, but I’m so pleased you’ve broken your silence. And that your feet are tingling :)

    I hope you do start blogging again, but even if you don’t, it’s good to know that things are looking up, the eBay sales are going well, and little by little your new life is getting better. Hugs to you and the MinPins!

  4. What a lovely thing to wake up to this morning…so pleased to hear from you albeit with the sad news about your mothers health. It sounds as if you are making good progress in yourself. I am a regular visitor to the Willingham auctions so if you ever need a hug let me know….I know you like to go there on occasions. :)

  5. Nice to read you , to read you nice . Roy & Jean

  6. Welcome back Fiona, so glad you’re getting there

  7. So, so lovely to hear from you again Fiona. You have made so many people happy this day.

  8. The Liquineer

    Great to see you back Fiona- I agree with Danuta.

  9. Toffeeapple

    What a pleasure it is to see you writing again. I hope that this is the first of many – welcome back Fiona.

  10. Kate Percival

    Hurrah! So good to hear from you,it has made my day to know you are back with us Fiona.x

    • You have made my day, Fiona, by bogging again. I have so missed you & your honesty. I hope you get back into the swing of it.

      • It should read blogging of course, not ‘bogging’….after all THAT is what you have just been through! :-))

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