The Cottage Smallholder

stumbling self sufficiency in a small space

Thank you. And a few thoughts on love.

Dr Quito and Inca running off to enjoy the snow

Dr Quito and Inca running off to enjoy the snow

I just wanted to thank every reader for checking out my last two posts. Readers are essential life blood for a blog. They keep a bloggers heart pumping.

I also need to thank all the readers who have made a comment on my last two posts. Initially I tried to answer each one but I quickly realised that I was getting out of my depth. I just had too much going on to give decent replies. Many apologies.

You comments have been a godsend. They make me think, give me courage and hope. And they often make me cry. Your thoughts and genuine goodwill have made me feel cherished.

The question that I’m looking at now is why do we need to mess it up and rock the boat? It happens in every walk of life. The knives in the back. Why the constant office politics? Why the need for marriage counselling? Why do so many close liaisons break down?

Why do we so often have the need to demean each other in close relationships? Is it just the need to say “I’m O.K. because you are not so O.K.” Why does our lack of confidence make us cruel so often?

It’s crazy but when things are going badly wrong in a relationship all the rest of the world seems to have got the answer. Even the birds seem to have happily paired up.

A few days after I had split up with Danny I walked to the village shop to buy some essential supplies. I’d braced myself for running the gauntlet of the shop – the heart of gossip in our small community.

What I hadn’t prepared for was meeting anyone on the way there.

I spotted a couple in their sixties walking towards me hand in hand. They looked so happy and content. As I passed them they had turned to examine a frosted spider’s web on a gate. They studied it in wonder and then they hugged.

I cried then – hot tears welling up. I wanted to pound the pavement with my fists. I considered turning back. How could I go to the shop with red eyes?

But I did. And when I eventually reached my gate again, they were just a bit ahead of me. Still exuding their happiness and love for each other. They had clearly stopped and stared at special things that I’d bullnecked past in my sorrow and rage.

I must admit that at the moment I’m happy being on my own. I think that it will be a long time before I would or even could actively look for a new partner. However that couple walking hand in hand in a sleepy village, passed by chance, gave me renewed hope in the human capacity to love unconditionally.

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  1. Hi, the first time I’ve answered a blog, but manys the time I’ve jumped onto this website. I just want to say I’m sorry, like so many others Fiona, and good luck for whatever the future holds.
    I’m too shy to make many comments, but I love reading and learning from so many others. You have some wonderful friends here.

  2. Just catching up on my RSS reader and so glad to see your posts coming up again, was worried as I hadn’t seen anything from you for a while.

  3. Philippa Jordan

    Fiona: I never met you, but I have been reading Cottage Smallholder for a long time and I grew up not far from where you are. I now live in New York with 3 dogs. I am happy with those 3 dogs and relieved after all to be out of a relationship and not have to worry about consulting with someone for every move. There are some things you will always need someone to help you with, but the last thing anyone needs is someone close who makes you feel less than you are. You can do so much better without the doubting partner. Everyone gets older and changes in shape, most often getting larger around the middle and there is so much else that is better with age. Please keep writing those blog posts — they are really wonderful and entertaining.

    Bless you and keep going,

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