Forgiveness
Photo: Sweet peas and runner beans
Yesterday I woke at six fretting about someone who bullied me at work seven years ago.
“You have to let go.” I told myself. “This is eating you up.”
I didn’t like this guy. Let’s call him Len to save his blushes. I didn’t respect him. Every now and then Len would order me into a private office and declare.
“I know what you are doing.”
Clearly someone had overheard me talking about him and reported back. I would try and stare him out and then he would say.
“I have a very sensitive nose – you smell.”
It was hurtful and enraging. I had a shower every day. What more could I do? As I couldn’t think of how to answer, I always remained silent.
Now Len was close to another colleague of mine. I liked and respected this lady but she endlessly went on about problems she had drinking whisky when she was at work in her last job. I never knew how to respond and felt a bit sorry for her. As she mentioned it so often I began to assume that it was a real problem that she was tackling now.
Years later when I’d left that job far behind Len told my closest colleague that I was drinking in the office that we shared. He wouldn’t back down when she vehemently denied this. Unfortunately she made the mistake of telling me. I longed to go round to the office and confront him. And the lady I liked had been hoodwinked into believing him. Suddenly their comments made sense. I was furious. I was being accused of something that I would never dream of doing.
This has haunted me for years. I’ve tried writing imaginary letters, to Len, to the lady that I liked. I’ve thought of asking him to apologise. I’ve tried pretending that I didn’t mind – I had no respect for the guy so why take his nasty remarks so deeply? I thought of the lady as a friend – why wasn’t she straightforward with me? The matter could have been dealt with in seconds.
But the one thing that I had never considered was to forgive him. Recently I invested in the e-book “The Secret behind The Secret” by Dr. Eric Amidi, a quantum physicist. This book is great for helping you deal with damaging and restricting mental blocks. I’ve been reading a couple of pages a day on and off for the last six weeks. I reckon that it’s a sound read. The Secret is inspirational but it doesn’t really get down to the hard facts of how you actually, practically can get the best out of your life.
I am aiming for a rounded life. I don’t want fast cars, vast mansions and millions in the bank. I would like to live here with Danny and have the freedom to develop my cooking and gardening and have enough cash in the bank to fuel this passion.
This morning I read two pages from Eric’s e-book. The theme was forgiveness. Of yourself and others. I didn’t twig that I had a problem with this. I tested it out and tried to genuinely forgive Len and also myself for hating him. The cage door opened and I flew. Suddenly Len’s lies didn’t matter anymore. I also realised that if Len hadn’t been so mean I might still be working in his company and not here on my own road, forging the life that I always dreamt about. So actually in the end Len did me a favour.

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